"Why I Was Late"
What is the traffic excuse?
This happens when the choir sings a song nobody practiced.
What is "the Holy Ghost will fix it?"
This dish is guaranteed to run out first at the church potlock.
What is the ac and cheese made by the ONE person who can cook it?
"I gotta check on my ______" - the #1 excuse for slipping out of church early.
What is a pot roast
This is the picture people take to prove they came to church.
What is the lobby selfie
"I had to warm up my car," even in the middle of July.
What is the weather excuse
This moment occurs when the Bishop/Pastor says "I'm closing" for the fourth time.
What is the False Alarm Benediction?
This person brings store-bought cookies but puts the on a plate like they baked them.
Who is Sister Publix and/or Kroger?
"I have to pick someone up," even though that someone lives 45 minutes away.
What is the imaginary ride excuse
This is the check-in people post on Facebook before they leave early.
What is the "At church!" status
"My kids were moving slow," even though the kids were ready first.
What is the children excuse
This sound erupts when the musician hits that one organ chord.
What is the Sanctified Screech?
This drink is always served in a tiny cup and tastes like melted popsicles.
What is church punch
"My stomach acting up," used right before they head to Golden Corral.
What is the mystery illness excuse?
This is one part of service they stay for so they can say they attended.
What is the praise and worship?
"I couldn't find my Bible," but they have three in the car and on-line.
What is the missing Bible excuse
This happens when the usher tries to seat someone during prayer.
What is the Slow-Motion Tiptoe?
This person takes a to-go plate before the pastor even prays over the food.
Who is Brother Fix-My-Plate
"I have to work later," even though it's Sunday ad they don't.
What is the phantom shift excuse
This is the phrase they say when someone asks why they left early.
What is "I had something to do"?
"I was watching the livestream and lost track of time."
What is the livestream excuse
This moment happens when the baby starts crying and the whole church turns around in unison.
What is the Congregational Side-Eye
This dish nobody touches, but it shows up at every event.
What is the mystery casserole
"The Lord told me to leave early today."
What is the divine exit excuse?
This is the text they send to the Bishop/Paster later to cover their early exit.
What is "Sorry I missed the end pastor"?