GL Basics
The denial of reality of another person. When someone attempts to invalidate your EMOTIONS.
Gaslighting
“I really think you need to calm down" is an attempt to:
Trivialize, minimize your feelings.
"Are you sure you didn't dream that?" causes someone to:
Doubt their memory.
“This is why you don’t have friends.”
Abusive, manipulative, isolation
Timing, background info (recent past, patterns, history), the relationship, physical location, the true reason for the comment is the:
Context
The origin of the term "Gaslighting"
The 1944 movie: Gaslight
"I'm sorry if you're mad, but" is:
Not taking responsibility, making it about them.
“So and so thinks you’re crazy, too.”
For power, triangulating with someone you respect, care for.
"I did it for your own good" makes the other feel:
Incompetent, incapable, less than.
“Just don’t worry about it now.”
Context matters, and if they acknowledge what you are feeling this could be genuine.
You worry that you’re too sensitive or that’s something wrong with you.
Name one sign that you are being gaslighted.
"You're too sensitive."
To make you doubt yourself, invalidating, ignoring you're feelings.
"You know I would never hurt you on purpose" (done repeatedly) is harmful because:
That person is not taking responsibility for hurting the other.
"Why are you doing this to me? It makes no sense!"
Making themselves the victim.
"You're bulling me" Context matters, but this could be and effort to:
Deflect, project, when they are the actual bully.
Why do you need to be familiar with Gaslighting?
To know when to set a boundary, to protect yourself from gaslighting yourself.
"I'm actually really concerned about you — you seem all over the place" is an attempt to:
Make you think you are needy.
"I never agreed to that — where did you get that idea?"
To cast confusion, instability.
"Just so you know, my [spouse/partner] has been acting a little irrationally."
Isolate
“I’m the only one who’s responsible in this relationship.” Why does context matter here?
Could be expressing frustration, venting, but better if clearer. "I feel that..."
Doubt your feelings, beliefs, thoughts and reality
Question your perceptions and judgment
Feel alone, powerless, or inadequate
Feel confused
Signs you are being gaslighted.
“Don’t get so worked up over this.”
Whatever you are feeling is not worth all of this! Only you get to decide what your feelings are worth.
"Now why would I make that up? I don’t remember saying that.”
To cast confusion.
“Who are they going to believe?”
This is pure manipulation to make you feel powerless.
Combination of factors that give meaning to a message.
What is context