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A woman falls from a 20-foot ladder and lands directly on the ground.
She gets up completely unharmed.
How?
She fell from the bottom step.
How do you spell COW in thirteen letters?
SEE O DOUBLE YOU
A man married 20 women in the same town.
He was never divorced, and none of the women died.
Yet he never broke any law.
He was the priest/officiant performing the weddings, not the groom.
A man is driving when he sees three doors:
A golden door,
a silver door,
and a bronze door.
Which door does he open first?
Car Dorr
A husband and wife have been happily married for 80 years.
They have never had a single argument.
What's their secret?
They both have hearing problems.
A police officer sees a man going the wrong way down a one-way street.
The officer clearly sees him but doesn't stop him.
Why?
The man was walking, not driving.
A cowboy rode into town on friday. He stayed for three nights and rode out on Friday. How is this possible?
His horse's name is Friday
A man was born in 2005 and died in 2005 at the age of 80.
How is that possible?
2005 was a room/address number, not the year.
A manager scheduled a meeting with everyone on his team.
Nobody declined. Nobody was on leave.
Yet not a single employee attended.
How is that possible?
They were all married employees. There wasn't a single employee
A man goes to a wedding without being invited.
He eats the food, takes pictures with everyone and even stands next to the bride.
Nobody asks him to leave.
Why?
He's the groom.
A man looks at a photograph and says:
“Brothers and sisters, I have none. But this man's father is my father's son.”
Who is in the photograph?
His son.
Why is Europe Like a Frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom
A man walks outside in pouring rain for 20 minutes.
He has no umbrella, no hat, and no shelter.
His clothes are completely soaked, but not a single hair on his head gets wet.
Sadly he is bald
An employee comes to the office every day but never works on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.
The manager has absolutely no problem with it.
Why?
He works the night shift
If you throw a red stone into the Blue Sea, what will it become?
Wet
You see a boat filled with people. It hasn't sunk, but when you look again you don't see a single person on the boat. Why?
Everyone on the boat is married, so there isn't a single person.
Every night I'm told what to do, and each morning I do what I'm told. But I still don't escape your scold. What am I?
An Alarm Clock
A woman shoots her husband, holds him underwater for five minutes, and then hangs him.
Twenty minutes later, they’re sitting together having dinner and laughing.
She took his photograph, developed it in liquid, and hung the photo to dry.
Your manager gives you one task on Monday.
On Tuesday, you still have one task.
On Wednesday, you still have one task.
On Thursday, you still have one task.
What do you have on Friday?
A status call with your manager.
Where does Wednesday come before Tuesday?
In Calendar
A man lives on the 20th floor. Every morning, he takes the elevator to the ground floor and leaves. When he returns, he takes the elevator to the 10th floor and walks the remaining 10 floors. But on rainy days, he takes the elevator directly to the 20th floor.
He is short and can only reach the button for the 10th floor. On rainy days, he uses his umbrella to press the 20th-floor button.
I have pointed fangs, and I sit and wait. I have piercing force, and I crunch with weight. I grab my victims, but they do not fight. I join them each with a single, quick bite. What am I?
A Stapler
Imagine you're trapped in a room with no doors, no windows, and no way out.
How do you escape?
Stop imagining. 😭
A manager asks an employee:
“Are you single?”
The employee says:
“No, I'm married.”
The manager replies:
“Perfect. You're exactly what we're looking for.”
Why?
The manager needed someone who already had experience saying “Yes, you're right
A prisoner must choose one of three rooms:
Room 1 contains a raging fire.
Room 2 contains armed killers waiting inside.
Room 3 contains lions that haven’t eaten for three years.
Which room is the safest?
Room 3.
If the lions haven't eaten for three years, they'd already be dead