WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO..
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF?
LET'S THINK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS RIGHT NOW AND DIAGRAM THEM..
do you agree?
has it stolen your time? if so, how so?
can you steal some of it back?
What comes to mind when I say..
what was the last time you got angry?
Herein is a powerful thought.. and I would like your thoughts on this, if possible.
the more you mention, the more you can manage.
so.. what have you struggled to mention?
let's silence our critical mind
we can:
* do thought noting and thought deletion
(i notice i am having this thought, it is making me feel anxious and depressed, i am now moving on from it and checking out my favorite song right now.)
*do a cloud visualization strategy
(ooh, i am having that dastardly thought again. i will send it in a cloud and have it move away from me- seeing it dissipate and vaporize in the wind)
*consider the OTHER SIDE of the situation
(maybe that person is driving like a lunatic because they are rushing to the hospital. maybe other things outside my experience make this possibly acceptable. this is thinking critically)
*block breathing
( i notice that i am being stressed- and geeze, i am also breathing really shallow. i am going to start breathing deep. block breathing, like I do with Counselor Bryan. 4 seconds in, hold, 4 seconds out, hold.)
...like or dislike?
can control/can't control
weather
feelings
breath
love
- Know your limits: What will you accept or not in a relationship? Be specific.
favorite band
physics
an object in motion stays in motion. simple law
of physics.
how can we get momentum by sitting on the couch?
do you find that looking at the work to be done is not so easy to consider?
that is, it looks like a bigger project that it is?
(distortions)
or it feels absolutely impossible?*
(maximizing)
you feel like your work is just something that is locked in to the theoretical, that you will get things done as long as X and Y happens.. that you are tabling the work for another time once other things fit in the picture.
(rationalization)
or you feel just utterly exhausted and can barely function? and what if i got hurt when i am in this position of total tiredness? and what if i make the problem worse? ahh, better to just leave it be and wait for another day.
(catastrophizing)
Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
What comes to mind when I say..
when was the last time you were very sad?
Imagine that you are in the boat in the following picture.
Please describe what is happening
Herein is a powerful thought.. and I would like your thoughts on this, if possible.
if you don't make a plan for yourself, you live someone else's plan.
so.. what is your current plan? what needs shifted or changed?
let's communicate better with the ones we love... even those we don't
we can:
* Use "I" statements
I think... I feel
*Use "we" statements
(especially good if you find yourself talking mostly about yourself in conversation with your person. this brings about more inclusivity, drawing them in more and making them feel validated.)
*when it is your turn to speak, try your very best to first explain their side of the story. try to have their story correct first. then Check for Understanding
"you said that .... Is that right? Ok, well, I feel that it may be better to .... What do you think?) that last question reflects a check for understanding
*make and serve compliment sandwiches.
(a compliment, a critique, followed by a compliment.. to reduce the sting of criticism to those who are overly temperamental)
* get in to their world for a bit. press the pause button on what you find is joyful and/or important and see what that person likes. postpone your ego for a minute and try to tap in to their experiences. They will more than likely be more amenable to what you want later on.
...like or dislike?
- Know your values: What are your personal values? This may also determine your limits.
favorite rock star
cultivate a warrior mindset
not a worrier mindset.
please tell me the difference between these two
daily double.
What comes to mind when I say..
There are some things in life that are very hard, and we may find ourselves continuing to struggle to overcome a problem.
Please look at the following picture and describe how your problem(s) may identify with it:
Herein is a powerful thought.. and I would like your thoughts on this, if possible.
whatever is concealed cannot be healed.
so.. what are you possibly hiding?
let's plan things better.
we can:
*use a graphic organizer!
it can be as rudimentary as a calendar, or as involved as a mind map. the more time you put in to the graphic organizer, the more meaning you assign to it, hence making it more effective for you in the long run.
*get some accountability!
(you can ask someone you trust to hold you accountable! and yes, that includes me as well!)
* don't get upset and stew too much in negativity if you didn't plan well
(those mistakes will help in the problem solving session that's needed to right the ship and try a different approach! because that's what it's about- a different approach to the problem- no negativity!)
...like or dislike?
- Listen to your emotions: What are your feelings telling you? Communicate. -
what instrument would you like to learn..
dropping science
what are your levels?
check out testosterone, blood sugar, ph.. they all factor in
there is the builder,
the user
the time waster
and the destroyer
One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.
daily double.
please find your calm center, listen and repeat to Counselor Bryan's self affirmation statements for greater peace and control.
what is going on in this picture?
Herein is a powerful thought.. and I would like your thoughts on this, if possible.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
so.. what are you appreciative of in your life?
let's experience joy better.
we can:
*do things we love to do.
(we have to set aside time to have fun. as the beasties would say, fight for our right to party. of course, maybe not party but something more.. well, you know. less party, more respectable? =0}
*be vulnerable
(we have to get outside our comfort zone from time to time or else we stagnate. think about all those times you got outside your own little box when you were younger, and in your early adult years? i'm not saying jump out of an airplane, but just to recognize that most of the joy we experience is unplanned and not mulled over- it's immediate, its spontaneous, its open.)
*comparison is the death of joy.
(how do we stop this? well, we really can't. however we can do a thought noting exercise, tell ourselves the sobering reality of the situation, and move on.)
*radical acceptance
speaking of the sobering reality.. saying something to yourself that is true, such as ... this person really broke my heart. i am accepting this feeling. i know that it is heart wrenching, but i am not ignoring it. i accept that this hurts, but i will move on from this, because i have a greater love for myself and for what i truly deserve, which is more than what this person has led me to feel right now. i accept, and i move on.
...like or dislike?
Have self-respect: Do not sacrifice your own feelings to help others “feel” less. -
Have respect for others: Do not take at the expense of others. Do what is fair. -
listen/hear difference
daily double..
let's creatively visualize the gnawing event..
but first, some questions
imagine you are in the position where the work needs done.
i am giving you a comforting push in the direction
of the work that needs done.
you are thinking about the reasons WHY the work needs done
you find yourself doing the work, and it's not as bad as you thought.
the feeling of accomplishment is now yours in this moment only. the true feeling is much better.
What comes to mind when I say..
early bird gets the worm
Please describe the following picture. Do you like it? Can you identify with it in any way? Why or why not?
Herein is a powerful thought.. and I would like your thoughts on this, if possible.
don't work towards freedom, but allow the work to be freedom.
- dogen roshi
what do you think this means, exactly? do you agree? is there a freedom in work? Has that been your experience?
let's sleep better
YOU can:
* take deep breaths in your favorite sleep position, and think of a song that is slow.. the slow song tricks your brain and slows down racing thoughts.
*ok, so you haven't been able to slow it down, as it were. let's try this: visualize your castle!
imagine crossing the moat, over the beautiful drawbridge, with knights on either side of the entrance. you find two stairwells carpeted in red velvet, and beautiful wooden fixtures, and perhaps some trumpeters heralding your arrival. each room of the castle is different. one room has your joys, the other room your knowledge, the other room? well that's a weird one. what? you find you are putting all this mental thought in this exercise and your thoughts are getting strange and you are feeling tired? exactly.
oh, by the way, this also serves as an excellent memory device, where each room reflects knowledge of some kind that you wish to access. kind of like hardware in a computer.
...like or dislike?
Be assertive: Learn how to say no if you cannot do so. Compromise if possible. -
Balance: Step back and think big picture. Sometimes you will get more or sacrifice less and others times, the opposite will occur in relationships.
what does music do for you?
mood stabilizer
energy booster
therapy!
break the cycle...
complacency and comfort kills
are we turning in to our parents?
do we have a way out? a choice?