Coping
What emotions are typical when visiting home over breaks and how should you treat these emotions?
All of them! You can experience a lot of stress or a lot of relief traveling home. Depending on your situation, coming home for the holidays can feel exciting, strange, overwhelming, or all of the above. Its important to acknowledge and accept these emotions to know how to deal with them and any situations that arise!
What are some common stressors to be aware of when travelling home?
Change, boredom, spatial differences, & arguments
What are the four main stressors that can occur over breaks and going home?
1. Not enough money
2. Too much free time
3. Family Problems
4. Mental Health
After coming back from being away for so long, home might not feel quite the same as it did before you left for school. Give me a reason why.
You’re not quite the same as you were before going away. You’ve been slowly but surely learning to live without the familiar routines of home—including your parent's rules, schedules, and expectations. You’ve met new people, gained new perspectives, and maybe even developed new values or viewpoints.
What can you do to prepare mentally to go home?
Stress happens, but it’s crucial to preserve your mental health and well-being. Take some time to research free mental health resources to help you manage your stress and cope with being home. You can also check with your college’s counseling/mental health center. They may offer remote services while you’re home, or they can connect you to resources in your area.
How should you deal with change?
Expect it! Change often occurs when you leave home for both you and your family members. Spend some time getting to re-know your family members. It may take a day or two, but familiarize yourself with how they’ve changed (both physically and emotionally) these past few months.
What can you do if you are "strapped for cash"?
If you want to fill your time and save up while you are doing it, winter break is a great opportunity. Many retailers offer seasonal employment to help with the holiday rush. You could also reach out to former employers or workplaces to see if there are any shifts available: they likely have lots of requests for time off at this time of year. Another option is babysitting—many people need sitters while they shop or visit friends or family.
What is one thing that may have physically changed about coming home?
Your space! Parents/guardians may have turned your bedroom into an office or storage space. Or maybe they’ve left everything in its place. The home itself may have changed. It is normal for change to occur after leaving home.
What should you address with your family before or while travelling home?
It’s important to talk to your family about expectations while visiting home. The conversation will look different depending on a number of factors - your relationship to your family, your living situation, your culture, and more. Whether you’re asking these questions ahead of time or addressing them in the moment, it’s important to bring these things up to avoid building tension between you and your family.
How can you avoid boredom?
To avoid long bouts of boredom, start planning a number of holiday break activities you can do while you’re back in town. Write out a list of movies you want to see, museum exhibitions you want to visit, holiday shopping lists you need to take care of, friends you want to catch up with, new restaurants you want to try, etc. As long as you plan ahead, you’ll be too busy for boredom!
What can you do if you feel like you have too much time and feel stressed being unscheduled?
Free time can bring boredom, frustration, or a worsening of symptoms for those with mental health disorders. While it is important to take time to relax, making a plan or list of things you would like to do over break is a good way to fill up your schedule. You could make plans to see friends you have been away from or take time to visit relatives. If you enjoy reading, you may have only had time to read books for your classes. Break can be a great time to read any books that interest you. Volunteering for causes important to you is an option that allows you to feel good and to add experience you may be able to call on later. Fill your time with things that make you feel good.
Differences will occur, why should they be acknowledged?
The problem is that both college students and their parents let those changes go unacknowledged, which can lead to miscommunication, edginess, bickering, and even bigger arguments.
What can you do to help offset anxiety about going home?
Incorporate mindfulness and self-care into your day. Take a few moments to sit in any feelings of stress, annoyance, or anxiety. Incorporating mindfulness and self care into your day - whether it’s a few minutes of meditation, a calming activity, or journaling - can help you feel grounded, even when it feels like the world is spinning too fast around you.
What are spatial differences and how can they be approached?
Spatial differneces are differences in your living space that occurred while you were gone. Don’t be surprised if you’re parents and/or siblings have made adjustments to your living space while you’re been away. If you discover your room has changed quite a bit, talk to your parents about the matter and decide how you’ll handle the change while you’re home for the holidays.
How can you prepare and respond to family problems that may occur?
You can plan ahead by thinking about what questions or conflicts typically come up and how you might respond (or not respond) to them. You can make a list of coping skills that work for you including texting an understanding friend, breathing exercises, or going for a walk. If you feel something is going to be challenging, plan to do something you enjoy or find relaxing afterwards.
Things have changed! What are two perspectives parents may have when you come home? What can different assumptions of how things should be lead to?
1. Your parents may assume you’ll revert right back to your old familiar ways, that their relationship with you will be exactly as it was when you lived with them.
2. Parents may expect you not to pick up where you left off—even though you want to. They may expect you to act more like an adult.
3. Conflict!
Everybody is operating under different assumptions, which can lead to conflict.
It varies by family, but what happens is, everybody is operating under a set of assumptions that are no longer true. You’re a different person than you were, and your parents haven’t seen what those changes, and don’t know. So you’re back in the house and there’s a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding about how it’s going to be or how you’re all going to interact.
What is one thing you should do over the break to keep you in touch with college?
Keep in touch with your friends from college. In college you found new friends, colleagues, or chosen family. Staying in touch with them while you’re home can help remind you of your life in college and get you excited about returning after the holidays. You can plan a virtual party or hangout over Zoom, exchange funny memes over text, or even call them! No matter how you do it, staying connected with your friends can help you feel less alone during the holidays, even if you’re far away from them.
How should you handle arguments?
Should you find yourself lapsing into conflict with your family, don’t fret too much. Change is inevitable, but you should never let it create a rift between you and your family. Keep calm and make the most of your time, remember nothing lasts forever.
What should you do if you are concerned about your mental health?
Break allows you time to focus on how you’re feeling, what you might need, and how to make a plan moving forward. Mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety, are real, common and treatable. Speak to a health care provider or get screened to get more resources at home, the school also provides additional resources for when you return like counseling.
To avoid miscommunication and conflict when coming home, what should you do and practice?
Communication and Empathy!
Bottling up your emotions rarely does any good. If you’re experiencing irritation, recognize it and be open about it. The best way to deal with it is conversation, and the biggest thing is to have the conversation about expectations and changes.
Depending on the family it may be beneficial to either bring things up right away or tackle them as they arise!
If your first holiday break back from college feels a little strange, don’t panic. It’s an adjustment period for everyone and perfectly normal to feel tugs of irritation or experience a little conflict with loved ones. The important thing is to identify them and talk about them together. Expectations have changed - try to practice empathy and understanding in seeing where you and your loved ones are coming from.