Sound Relationship
House
House
The Sound Relationship House has this many levels.
What is 7?
This is the antidote for defensiveness.
What is "taking responsibility"?
A common solution to flooding is taking a break lasting at least this many minutes
What is "20 minutes"?
True or false: Saying “you always” or “you never” is an example of a soft startup.
False. Those are examples of harshened start-up/criticism.
This is the name of the first level and foundation of the Sound Relationship House.
What is "Love Maps"?
Eye-rolling and sarcasm are classic examples of this most destructive horseman.
What is "contempt"?
DAILY DOUBLE!! Regular activities like weekly date nights or holiday traditions are examples of this.
What are "rituals of connection"?
True or false: Happy couples have fewer conflicts than unhappy couples.
False. Happy couples can argue just as frequently, but they handle conflicts more effectively.
These are the names of the two pillars that "hold up" the Sound Relationship House.
What are "trust" and "commitment"?
Whether or not a couple uses this technique is the biggest predictor for how a conversation unfolds/potentially becomes an argument.
What is "softened start-up"?
Partners can turn away, turn towards, or turn against these.
What are "bids for connection"?
True or false: Couples do not need to understand each other's perspective to repair after a conflict if one partner clearly remembers is more accurately than the other.
False. Each partner has their own reality and perspective of the situation and understanding it is important for repair.
The level of this house refers to expressing admiration and respect for your partner, such as noticing and vocalizing traits we value in our partner.
What is Fondness and Admiration?
DAILY DOUBLE!!! This type of conflict is rooted in personality differences or fundamental needs and is not fully solvable and likely to return.
What is a "perpetual problem"?
This ratio represents the balance of positive to negative interactions in healthy relationships (or, how many positive interactions are needed to "make up" for a negative interaction?)
What is "5 to 1" or, "5".
True or false: Humor during conflict is always a healthy and effective repair attempt.
False. It depends on the timing and tone of the humor. Ask your partner for input in the future about using humor to de-escalate!
This is the top level or "attic" of the Sound Relationship House.
What is "Creating Shared Meaning"?
When couples are unable to compromise on a reoccurring issue, it turns into the term for this kind of problem.
What is "gridlocked" or a "gridlocked problem"?
Based on the research from the Gottman's, this percentage of couples' problems are unsolvable.
What is "69 percent"?
Escalation cycles are often co-created by both partners, even if one starts the conflict.
True.