Growth or Fixed?
It's too hard to make new friends.
FIXED
I'm not good at making friends.
I'm not good at it YET, but I can practice, grow, and get better!
Taking some deep breaths before a new conversation can be helpful
TRUE
What does it mean to have a growth mindset?
To believe that we can grow and change our abilities by practice, errors, and challenges
Juliette wants to grow her connection with some peers, but she isn't sure how to start a conversation with them. What kinds of things could she talk about?
- common interest, shared activity, school projects, things they have in common
Even if I say something that's a mistake, I'll learn and get better.
GROWTH
It's good enough the way it is.
Is there something I can do to grow? A challenge I can try?
Practicing some conversations at home, in the mirror, or in my head can help me come up with ideas for what to say.
TRUE.
What does it mean to have a fixed mindset?
Giving up when things get hard, not trying, mistakes mean I failed.
Maddie wants to make some new friends, but she thinks she isn't good at it. What can she say to herself?
I should try talking with some new people. I may not be the best at it, but I can try and I will get better the more I try.
If I try to talk to someone new, I'll probably say something stupid so I won't try.
FIXED.
I won't try to build friendships because I can't do it.
If it doesn't work the first time, I can try again and again until I succeed!
Facing your fears (for example, by talking to others or starting new conversations) can help you feel calmer.
TRUE! Avoiding feared situations can actually make you more anxious.
True or False? Your brain stops growing at age 12.
False.
Suzie wants to talk more to her classmates but isn't good at it. What should she do?
Practice! Talk to different people in different classes.
There are lots of ways to build a new friendship.
GROWTH.
I give up. I'm not going to try to talk to anyone new.
I can make new friendships if I try a new way or with a new person.
Visualizing a calming scene before a stressful social interaction can help me feel better
TRUE
If you can't make a good friend after the first conversation, you should give up and not try again.
False. Friendships take time to develop and you may have some conversations that didn't go as well as you would have liked!
Daisy asked some a teen some questions to start a conversation, but they just answered yes or no to everything she said. What should she do?
She could try talking to a different teen or asking questions that are more open (instead of yes/no, she could ask: what do you like to do on the weekend? What colleges are you looking at? How are you studying for the SAT?)
Making friends is a challenge, and that makes me smarter.
GROWTH
It's okay to be nervous and to make a mistake, I am practicing and growing my brain.
Name 3 things you can say to yourself to stay calm before a conversation with a new person or someone you'd like to become friends with.
Some ideas:
- I can do this
- I'm growing my skills in this area
- It's okay if I make a mistake - everyone does!
- Focus on the present and what's happening (not my fears)
- Conversations are a joint engagement - not all me or all them
I don't need a growth mindset once I finish high school.
False! We can all grow our brains by trying new things, making mistakes, and practicing - even adults!
Lucy feels nervous that her classmates are judging her when she talks to them. How can she feel calmer when talking to them?
- Focus on the conversation and what's happening, remind herself that teens have lots of conversations each day and can't possibly remember all of them, take deep breaths.