Boundary Basics
Boundaries are often referred to as your "rules of ______.
Engagement
"Please knock before you come into my room."
What is a physical boundary.
Name some of the boundary rights.
to say "Yes" or "no"
to change your mind
to be treated with respect
to state your preferences
to determine who is in your life
to communicate your boundaries
to prioritize your needs
Someone that jumps in to fix, help, share opinions, share their knowledge.
What is the Auto Advice Giver?
Healthy LOVE always requires healthy boundaries.
Truth
When a person says yes even when they want to say no, overshares, puts up with bad behavior and over-invests in the problems of others.
What is a "porous" boundary?
"I don't lend money to people."
What is a Material boundary.
Most important word to begin a boundary statement (in most cases).
I
Expecting someone to read your mind, know how you are feeling without you having to tell them.
What is making assumptions?
Setting boundaries is selfish.
Myth
Feeling resentment, irritated, a desire to flee, burned out.
What are the emotional sensations that a boundary has been crossed?
"Please do not touch me like that. I am not ready."
What is a Sexual boundary.
Pay attention to this if you are unsure if a boundary has been crossed.
Physical sensations: constriction in your chest, freezing up, tense muscles, pain, increased heart rate.
"I'm sure he didn't mean to yell at me, call me a b. He had a bad day."
What is making excuses?
Healthy boundaries protect your relationships and can make you closer.
Truth
You avoid close relationships, don't ask for help, tend to isolate, cut someone out if they've offended you.
What are Rigid boundaries?
We will have to agree to disagree on this subject.
What is a Mental boundary.
Name some reasons why it is difficult to set boundaries.
Fear
Anxiety
Never learned
Disease to please
Conflict avoidant
Don't have the language
You don't know yourself
"Whatever you decide, I don't care. I'll do whatever you all want to do."
Later feels miserable.
What is "the compliant" - avoids taking responsibility for their own preferences.
Creating HB is too time consuming.
Myth - You could spend a lifetime cleaning up the mess that past unhealthy boundary disasters created.
Boundaries begin by knowing your preferences, what you will tolerate and your ______ ____________s.
Deal breakers
"You are overreacting! You have no reason to feel that way!"
What is an example of crossing an emotional boundary (also abusive and gaslighting).
You!
The bully. They see a person’s “no” as a challenge to change his or her mind.
What is the controller?
Healthy boundaries is a form of self-love, self-protection and makes us stronger and wiser.
True