Consent
What does consent mean?
It means gaining permission without assuming things about your partner. It means communication about everything in the relationship.
I am attempting to control my partner. I am sometimes dishonest and rude or inconsiderate in my behavior. What type of relationship is this?
This is an unhealthy relationship.
I overshare about my personal information and I am over-involved in others problems. What type of boundary do I have?
This is a Porous boundary.
When I speak with someone I yell often and I swear or use sarcasm. If I want to, I will insult or criticize someone. Is this assertive communication?
No! It's aggressive communication. Yelling, swearing, sarcasm, angry tone, insults, blaming, criticizing, and taking offense are non-respectful communication.
Your partner pressures or guilts you when you hold a boundary about things that you are not comfortable with. Is this respecting consent?
No! A healthy relationship respects the boundaries you verbalize. This is a type of manipulation.
True or False, If someone seems unsure, stays silent, says "maybe", or doesn't respond, that means they have given their consent.
False.
The absence of No doesn't mean yes. Consent is communicated with a clear and enthusiastic Yes!
I make all the choices in my relationship. I will isolate my partner from their loved ones and place the blame on them for any conflict. I accuse them often and make sure my needs are met. What type of relationship is this?
This is an abusive relationship.
I do not compromise my values for others. I know my opinion is important. I share my insecurities when I feel safe. What type of boundary do I have?
A healthy boundary.
I ask questions to clarify when I am discussing something. I give someone my full eye contact and nod my head to show I am listening. I NEVER have my phone out when someone has asked to speak with me. Is this assertive communication?
Yes!! Active listening means giving full attention and asking questions to understand the other person.
Your partner always reacts with sadness, anger, or resentment when you don't consent to something just because they want to. Is this respect for consent?
No! A healthy relationship honors your feelings and what you are comfortable with. Healthy relationships are about reciprocity.
True or false. The way I dress, if I flirt, or accept attention from someone means they can violate my boundaries.
False! My clothing or anything else about me is not an invitation to violate my boundaries. My consent is communicated with the word "yes."
I am honest with my partner and own my feelings in our relationship. I trust them even if they are not in my presence. I want to honor my partner's hopes and dreams. What type of relationship is this?
A healthy relationship.
I avoid intimacy and I have few close relationships. I keep my distance to avoid rejection and I seem detached most of the time. What type of boundary do I have?
This is a rigid boundary.
I know my needs, but I never share them to anyone. I always say "It's fine" even if I feel upset or sad. I just don't want conflict so I will pretend to feel ok until I explode. Is this assertive communication?
No! This is passive communication.
Assertiveness means sharing your needs respectfully and being able to negotiate your needs with others.
Your partner suggests that you "owe them" because you are dating them. They want to take steps that you are uncomfortable with. Is this respect for consent?
No! This is a type of manipulation. You don't owe your partner anything. Healthy relationships are based on respect and what makes both people feel comfortable.
True or False. Once consent is given, it can never be taken back.
False! Consent can always be revoked (taken back) if someone is uncomfortable. Healthy relationships mean respecting someone's boundaries.
I communicate with my partner only when I feel like speaking with them. I try to pressure them when I feel like things don't go my way. They have some friends, but I want them to be my one and only. What type of relationship is this?
This is an unhealthy relationship.
I tolerate abuse or disrepect. I depend on others opinions. I have difficulty saying no. What type of boundary do I have?
This is a porous boundary.
I listen to others to try to understand their perspective. I don't jump to conclusions that someone wants to hurt my feelings. I validate what others share with me. What type of communication is this?
Assertive communication! Validation means respecting the others view, showing empathy, and trying to understand the problem instead of blaming others.
Your partner ignores both your words and your actions (non-verbal cues) that show you are uncomfortable. Your partner is ignoring your physical boundaries. Is this respect for consent?
No! This is a red flag. This is a boundary violation if your words and actions show you are uncomfortable and your partner is not respecting your boundary.
Provide an example of how to respectfully ask if you have someone's consent.
Do I have your consent for ______?
Are you comfortable?
Is this Ok?
Do you want to slow down?
Do you want to go any further?
I am happy to be with my partner, but I respect that they have other interests. I know my partner and I can agree to disagree. I always want my partner and I to make decisions together. What type of relationship is this?
This is a healthy relationship.
I don't ask for help. I have a "my way or the highway" approach. I am not flexible with change or others needs. What type of boundary do I have?
This is a rigid boundary.
True or False. A boundary crossing and a boundary violation are the same thing.
False! A boundary crossing is unintentional and sometimes a positive change. It is consensual. A boundary violation is purposeful and disrespectful of someone's boundary.
True or False. If my partner consents to something once, I never have to ask for consent again.
False! You need to get consent every time, even in a committed relationship. Saying yes once doesn't apply to every situation.