Red Flags
Your partner asks for your Instagram password, "just so we don't have secrets". Do you have to give it to them?
No, maintaining privacy does not mean you are keeping secrets. Partners should be able to trust one another without constant surveillance.
You tell your friend you can't hang out anymore because you need some alone time to relax. They text back, "No worries, enjoy your night in!" What type of green flag did your friend display?
Respecting their friend's wishes without creating feelings of guilt.
A friend keeps "borrowing" your clothes and not returning them, even after you've asked several times. What would be a good boundary to put in place?
No longer lending items until the previous items are returned.
What is self-respect?
Self-respect is the internal belief that you are a person of value, deserving of kindness and dignity, regardless of your mistakes or your relationship status.
Your friend is 20 minutes late to meet you for the third time this week. You're annoyed, how could you communicate your needs to your friend?
Use an "I" Statement. "I feel disrespected when I'm left waiting. Can we try to be more on time?"
There is an imbalance in the effort being put into the relationship. If this is happening, you are not obligated to keep pouring effort into a friendship that is not reciprocated back to you.
You had a rough day at school, and seem visibly upset. A friend sees you in the lunchroom and comes to check in on you, but doesn't force you to talk. What type of green flag is your friend displaying?
They are showing that they genuinely care about you while still respecting your choice to not talk about what is bothering you if you are not ready yet.
Your parents walk into your room without knocking. How could you KINDLY set a boundary?
Calmly request that they knock before walking in.
Why is self-respect essential?
Having self-respect sets a standard for what you will accept and not accept in a relationship. When you respect yourself, you show others what you will and will not tolerate.
You need to break up with someone, but you're afraid of hurting them, so you consider just "slow-fading." How could you communicate this to them?
Be Direct but Kind. "I’ve enjoyed our time, but I don't think we're a good match anymore." It's cleaner and more respectful than ghosting.
Every time you're upset with your sibling, they say, "You're way too sensitive, I'm just joking." What red flag is this, and how should you respond?
Invalidation of your feelings. Explain that what may be joking to them is actually hurting your feelings, and you would appreciate if they were kinder to you.
You and your boyfriend had your first big fight. Instead of yelling, they say, "I'm feeling really frustrated, can we talk again in 10 minutes. I need a few minutes to calm down." What type of green flags is your boyfriend displaying?
He is clearly communicating his feelings and taking the time to calm down before saying something he may regret. He's also showing that he cares more about solving the problem than "winning" the fight.
Your partner keeps calling you late at night and won't stop calling until you answer the phone. This is disrupting your sleep, and you want your partner to stop. How could you set a boundary?
Tell your partner that you will no longer be answering the phone after you go to bed, and if they continue to call you, you will put your phone on do-not-disturb so their notifications are silenced.
Give three real-life examples of how someone "practices" self-respect in a daily high school setting.
Saying "no" to plans when you're tired, not changing your style to fit in, or sticking to your morals even if they're unpopular. (examples may vary)
Your sibling keeps "borrowing" your clothes without asking. You usually just scream at them. How could you communicate your boundaries
Don't wait until you're mad. Sit them down when things are calm and set a "must ask first" rule.
You and your girlfriend just got together, and they want to spend every moment of free time with you, and gets very upset if you make plans with your friends. What red flag is this and how should you respond?
Early-stage isolation and possessiveness. Set a boundary with how often you can hang out, and remind them that seeing your friends is important to you and doesn't mean that you don't enjoy spending time with your partner.
You tell your parents you want to try a new hobby that they think is "boring", but they sign you up anyway and encourage you to try because it makes you happy. What green flags are they showing?
They are supporting your interests and recognizing your ability to make your own choices, even if it does not match their preferences.
A friend is always venting to you about very heavy topics while you are trying to complete work or study. It can be overwhelming at times, and you want to show that you care, but cannot fully respond while you are in the middle of work. How could you set a boundary?
Explain that you truly care about them and how they are feeling, but that while you are working or studying, you need the time and space to focus. Then, politely tell them that when you are not studying or working, you are able to talk.
Your friends have recently been making mean comments about you that make you feel bad about yourself. How could you show yourself respect in this situation?
State firmly that the "jokes" aren't funny to you anymore. If they don't stop, self-respect means finding a group that actually likes you.
A friend sends you a text that feels passive-aggressive. You aren't sure if they're mad or just busy. How could you communicate with them?
Ask for Clarification. "Hey, your last text felt a little short. Is everything okay between us?" Don't assume the worst.
Your friend is constantly making jokes about your clothes and hair in front of your crush, and then claims that they are "only being honest". What type of red flag is this, and how should you respond?
This is undermining, or using your insecurities for their own social gain. Have a conversation about how these constant remarks are upsetting you, and if the behavior still does not change, it is okay to distance yourself from them.
Someone you're dating asks, "Is it okay if I hold your hand?" even though you've been hanging out for weeks. What type of green flag is this?
They are asking for consent to ensure that you are comfortable. Respecting your boundaries and seeking consent is a major green flag!
Your friend is constantly calling you mean names, and says negative things about you. This is making you feel really upset and you want to be respected in the relationship. How could you set a boundary?
Explain how their behavior is making you feel and tell them that if they continue to talk to you in that manner, the conversation will end.
You and your partner have been together for six months, but they still have not told any of their friends or family about you because they'll be "made fun of for dating you". This makes you feel like they are ashamed to be with you, and not good enough for others to know that you are dating them. How could you show yourself respect?
Recognize that your time and presence are valuable. Tell them you aren't interested in being a secret, and if they can't be "all in," you're out.
You’re in a heated argument and the other person starts name-calling or getting personal. How could you communicate with this person?
Explain that this conversation can resume once you both can speak to each other kindly and respectfully. "I'm happy to finish this conversation when we can both stay respectful, but I'm stopping for now."