Why We Avoid
This form of avoidance involves steering away from uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, shame, sadness, or anger to get short-term relief.
What is emotional avoidance?
This simple breathing technique - slow inhale through the nose, slow exhale through the mouth - can help calm holiday nerves.
What is deep breathing?
A simple, effective deep breathing technique for relaxation is Belly Breathing, where you inhale slowly through your nose, feeling your belly expand (hand on belly rises, chest stays still), hold briefly, then exhale slowly through your mouth, letting your belly fall, helping to calm your nervous system, lower heart rate, and reduce stress.
Another popular method is Box Breathing (4-4-4-4): inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold empty 4, repeating to find calm.
This DBT skill set focuses on surviving intense emotions without making the situation worse.
What is distress tolerance?
Sometimes coping comes before problem-solving. (TIP, mindfulness, ACCEPTS)
Radical acceptance means fully acknowledging reality as it is...without doing this.
What is fighting or denying it?
Pain + resistance = suffering.
During the winter holiday season, many people experience a type of depression linked to reduced sunlight. This condition’s name reflects the season.
What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?
How are we all doing with that? have you found any strategies that are helping?
This type of avoidance happens when you distract, suppress, or overthink instead of taking action—often disguised as “thinking about it.”
What is cognitive avoidance?
Rumination can feel productive while still being avoidance.
This type of self-care might include taking a walk, listening to music, or getting enough sleep during busy holidays.
What is physical self-care?
what is your favorite form of physical self-care? have you practiced this recently?
This skill uses temperature change, movement, and breathing to calm the nervous system quickly.
What is TIP?
It works with the body, not against it. Try things like using ice cubes or ice packs, or warm sensations like a hot cup of tea.
Unlike approval, radical acceptance allows painful emotions while reducing this secondary emotional reaction.
What is suffering?
Social media can amplify this common holiday feeling, which occurs when people compare their experiences to others’ “perfect” celebrations.
What is FOMO (fear of missing out) or social comparison?
How do you avoid this, especially around the holidays?
Canceling plans, skipping tasks, or avoiding situations altogether to reduce discomfort is an example of this.
What is behavioral avoidance?
Avoidance shows up in actions, not just thoughts.
Writing down things you’re thankful for during the holidays can improve this mental health skill.
What is gratitude?
What is one thing you are grateful for this week?
This skill/tool focuses on identifying and changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviors to improve relationships and self-respect.
What is interpersonal effectiveness?
DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST
Practicing radical acceptance during difficult holidays helps prevent this common mental trap of replaying “what should have happened.”
What is rumination?
This psychological strategy involves scheduling small, positive activities during holidays to counteract low mood and prevent withdrawal.
What is behavioral activation?
Behavioral activation helps improve mood by getting you to do things, even when you don't feel like it, breaking the cycle where depression leads to inactivity, which makes you feel worse
This kind of avoidance is driven by the body’s stress response...like a racing heart or panic...before your brain fully catches up.
What is physiological avoidance?
The body often “decides” before logic does.
This word means paying attention to the present moment, which can help reduce holiday stress.
What is mindfulness?
Try: focus on the present moment by paying attention to your breath, bodily sensations, or a single activity, and gently guide your focus back when your mind wanders
Using sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch to calm yourself is an example of this skill.
What is self-soothing?
What is your favorite form of self-soothing?
Radical acceptance reduces suffering caused by this mental habit.
What is resisting reality or “should” thinking?
“It shouldn’t be this way” keeps us stuck.
This term describes the emotional strain caused when holiday expectations, like perfect gatherings or gifts, conflict with reality.
What is cognitive dissonance?
The Conflict: It arises from a clash between your "cognitions" (thoughts, beliefs, values) or between these and your behavior (e.g., knowing smoking is bad but still smoking).
This learning process strengthens avoidance because discomfort goes away immediately, even though problems get bigger later.
What is negative reinforcement?
Relief teaches the brain to repeat avoidance.
It is recommended this communication skill—using “I feel” statements—to reduce conflict during holiday gatherings.
What is assertive communication?
"I feel stressed when asked for too many tasks at once; could we prioritize them?" or "I disagree with that approach, I see it this way,"
Distress tolerance is most helpful when emotions are too intense for this DBT skill set.
What is emotion regulation or problem-solving?
Wrong tool, wrong moment = more distress.
Practicing radical acceptance can reduce both of these patterns.
hint: both topics Jenna has covered in her groups, one more recently.
What are avoidance and impulsivity?
During the holidays, this cognitive distortion, expecting everything to be perfect, can increase stress and worsen mood.
What is all-or-nothing thinking (or perfectionism)?
Can you think of a time during the holidays when you felt like you had to make everything “perfect”? How did it make you feel?