Defenmbed
This month, entirely fabricated for reasons no one remembers, comes right after November.
What is Defenmber?
This common household mishap may cause short, sharp yelps followed by frantic paper towel deployment.
What is spilling orange juice on the power strip?
This beverage, often sipped with dramatic eye contact, is their drink of choice at 3 a.m.
What is strawberry milk?
This is how Gray Vegetable introduces itself at parties, if it shows up at all.
What is “I’m technically edible, but spiritually forbidden”?
This tiny creature once ruined a backyard barbecue by crawling directly into the keg and declaring it "a hot tub for guys."
What is a June bug?
Known for its wilted petals and the ability to hum lullabies in reverse, this is the official flower of Defenmber.
What is the Glumrose?
The only correct response when your favorite mug shatters after surviving 7 apartments and 3 breakups.
What is laying on the floor in complete silence?
When asked why he wears thigh highs with combat boots, this was his only response.
What is, “duality, babe”?
Gray Vegetable once held a job doing this, but was asked to leave after 3 hours of unsettling silence and root-based prophecies.
What is mall kiosk tarot reading?
According to local legend, this beer pairs best with cicada screeches and an overwhelming sense of dread.
What is a lukewarm IPA left in a hiking boot?
This Defenmber beast traditionally delivers lukewarm lasagna to homes where no one has insulted a mirror all year.
The exact moment you realize you've been listening to your breakup playlist on shuffle... at your cousin's wedding.
What is “accidentally summoning a personal emotional apocalypse during the electric slide”?
This was the exact moment the townspeople realized he wasn’t just soft.
What is when he dropkicked a man for misgendering his best friend?
This was the last known location of Gray Vegetable before it disappeared into the plumbing system of a Chili’s.
What is under the complimentary bread basket?
Entomologists agree this is the only known beetle capable of shotguning a beer and still making it to its 9:00 a.m. molting appointment.
What is the chrome-legged party scarab?
On Defenmber 17th, citizens gather at dusk to chant this phrase into a vat of expired soup.
What is “May the forks forgive us”?
According to ancient prophecy, this act can only be completed after 45 minutes of sobbing into a laundry basket.
What is folding a fitted sheet?
Legend says he once seduced a vampire using only this accessory and a well-timed eyebrow raise.
What is a cat ear headband?
According to Defenmber lore, Gray Vegetable is summoned whenever someone says this phrase three times in front of a fogged mirror.
What is “boil it gently”?
This annual event, held behind an abandoned gas station, involves fireflies, a kiddie pool full of Busch Light, and exactly zero laws.
What is Bugstock?
As decreed in the Defenmber Constitution (which was written in crayon and buried under a Blockbuster), this act is forbidden unless the moon is wearing "just a little blush."
What is the initiating orb pact?
A rare psychological condition characterized by intense wailing when the moon looks “just a little too judgmental tonight.”
What is lunar-based spiraling disorder?
Scholars are still debating the meaning of this cryptic phrase he whispered before vanishing into a mist of glitter.
What is “Femininity is a weapon and I am fully loaded”?
In the final chapter of the Gray Vegetable saga, it is revealed that this is all it ever wanted.
What is to be pickled and understood?
After this insect brewed its own beer using rainwater and pollen, it was banned from six farmers markets for "emotional fermentation."
What is the artisan wasp?