FAST
Why are the fast skills important?
How do we show we are interested?
Active listening, body language, asking questions, being open, etc.
What can DEARMAN be used for?
Saying no, asking for things, being assertive, and setting boundaries.
Why are boundaries important?
Keep relationships safe and healthy, increase self-respect, define who we are separate from others
Name a skill or step in resolving conflict.
1. Address proactively 2. Wisemind 3. Pick your battles 4. Use FAST throughout 5. Start with GIVE 6. NJS and TTM 7. DM 8. RA 9. Negotiate 10. Don't use substances
Why is being truthful important?
How can we show we are genuine?
Be honest, kind, sincere, and real with others. Treat other with respect, speak and act according to our values.
What are factors to consider when asking for something or saying no?
Capability, priorities, self respect, rights, authority, relationship, long-term versus short term goals, give and take, homework, and timing
What are signs of unhealthy boundaries?
Too connected, too disconnect, not being able to say no, feeling guilty for setting boundaries, avoidance, taking on others distress, isolating, oversharing/under sharing.
How can we develop trust in relationships?
Truthful, respectful, understanding, stable, and time.
What are ways that we can be Fair?
1. Use NJS 2. Avoid extremes 3. Treat ourselves and others with respect 4. respond rather than react 5. listen/compromise
Relaxed posture, kind responses, calm tone, neutral or positive facial expressions, etc
What is broken record?
Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion.
What are the different types of boundaries?
Physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial/material, biographical, time, and general.
Why is one of the three goals of interpersonal effectiveness?
1. Make and maintain relationships
2. Resolve conflicts
3. Get our and others needs and wants met effectively
How do we stick to values?
Use priorities, goals, and values to guide and ground ourselves. Identify what is important to us and behave in a way that aligns.
What is one way to use validation?
Value others, acceptance, ask questions, listen and reflect, identify with others, discuss emotions, attend to nonverbals, turn the mind, encourage participation, acknowledge
What are the factors to consider when using DEARMAN?
1. Be in wisemind 2. Use GIVE first 3. Consider timing 4. Direct DEARMAN appropriately 5. Don't give up
What is an example of porous and rigid boundaries?
Porous- oversharing, difficulty saying no, overinvolved, dependent, accept of disrespect, fears rejection
Rigid- avoid intimacy, unlikely to ask for help, protective of information, few close relationships, detached, keep others at distance
What is factors that get in the way of interpersonal effectiveness?
You don't know what you want, you don't have the skills, your emotions, you forget your long-term goals for short-term goals, other people, your thoughts and/or beliefs.
What is an example of a time when an apology is not needed?
Answers vary: your opinion, viewpoint, being you, when you have no control, etc.
What is an example of what validation is not?
Personalizing others' experience, getting too absorbed, "fixing", offering solutions/advice, cheerleading, agreeing/giving in.
1. Others cannot read our minds 2. Communication requires words 3. DEARMAN doesn't always work 4. Be mindful of goals 5. Balance with give/fast
What is one of the building blocks of BOUNDARY?
1. Be aware of self 2. Observe others and situation 3. Understand yours and others' limits 4. Negotiate sometimes 5. Differences exist 6. Always Remember values 7. Your safety comes first
What is one value you hold and an action that lines up with that value?
Varies