values/DEAR MAN
What is a value?
Things in life we find most important and define who we are
GIVE SKILL
it supports keeping friendships and making new ones
what is a boundary?
A rule or limit we use to navigate relationships
What is the middle path?
Finding the middle ground between two opposing things. Replacing either or thinking!
What is interpersonal effectiveness?
Skills to help us keep friendships, make new friends and learn how to handle conflict
What are common values?
Family, friends, honesty, acceptance, creativity
What are steps for Give skills?
-gentle
-interested
-validated
-easy mannered
what are the types of boundaries?
-physical
-emotional
-intellectual
-material
-time
-sexual
What is dialectics?
Dialectical thinking: more than one way to look at a situation, everyone has a different view, two things that are opposites can be true
Who can these skills be beneficial for?
Family, friends, at school
What to do when a friend ignores our values?
1. Stop, please don’t do that
2. I don’t like when you say that
3. Is this a friendship I want to keep
Fast Skill
Use this skill to keep our self respect
what is a healthy boundary?
- communicating clearly
-saying no without guilt
-accepting when others say no
-saying yes because you want to, not to please others
-appropriately sharing personal info
-knowing what you need
What is a kind of thinking mistakes?
- all or nothing thinking
-catastrophizing
-mind reading
-overgeneralizing
-should statements
What makes it hard to maintain friends?
- wanting to do two different things
- someone being mean
-being blamed or blaming
-not sharing feelings Because we’re worried about loosing friendship
-someones really annoying
-conflict
When do you use dear man skill?
Help us resolve a conflict
What are the steps for fast skills?
-fair
-apologize
-stick to values
-truthful
Setting boundaries what to say?
I’m not comfortable with this
I’d love to, but I can’t
please don’t do that
no, not now
I can’t do that for you
this doesn’t work for me
I’ve decided not to, another time might work
this is not acceptable
I don’t want to do that
not right now
Validation - what is it and how do you do it?
When we communicate to an other person that their thoughts, feelings and actions make sense.
how?
-actively listening
-observe how others are feeling
-reflect without judgement ‘ that makes sense to me you feel this way’
Is it hard to identify our needs when experiencing an intense emotion?
Yes - when in emotion mind it’s hard to think of this
What are the 7 steps to dear man?
-describe the situation
-express how your feeling
-assert by asking for what you need
-reinforce by telling the other person why
-mindful keep your focus on the goals
-appear confident regardless of how you feel
-negotiate be willing to give to get what you want
What skill would you use: I want to play Fortnite you have to drop your loot so I can have it or if you don’t we’re no longer friends
dear man solve a conflict
Fast skill for self respect
How do we want to say our boundaries?
-be confident
-be respectful
-rehearse
-try to compromise
How can we help ourselves change a behavior?
Positive reinforcement!
What stops us from achieving interpersonal effectiveness goals?
-lack of skills
-worry thoughts
-emotions
-can’t decide what we want
-environment