Myths & Barriers to Interpersonal Effectiveness
Some people think, "I will always get what I want if I use my skills." Is this true? Why or why not?
Not true - sometimes the environment or other people get in the way, sometimes we use the wrong skill or don't use it correctly, etc.
How can you be "Gentle" in relationships?
Being nice, respectful, no attacks, no threats, no judgments, no eye rolling or cutting off (any of these options count)
The R in DEARMAN stands for "Reinforce". What is an example of a reinforcement when making a request?
Ex: "I'll be happy" or "You'll really help me out" or "I'll really appreciate it"
The FAST skill reminds us to "Stick to our Values". What are 2 things you value in relationships? (What is important to you within your relationships?)
Examples: Trust, Kindness, Respect, Integrity, Acceptance etc etc
What is the focus of the Interpersonal Effectiveness skills? (Choose one: Being in the present moment, Regulating Emotions, Tolerating Distress, Managing Relationships)
Managing Relationships
Name at least 2 barriers that get in the way of Interpersonal Effectiveness.
Not having the skills, Not knowing which skill to use, Not knowing what you want, Emotions, Forgetting Long-term goals, Other People or the Environment, Your thougths or beliefs or myths (Any 2 count)
Give 2 examples of how you can act interested in someone.
Listening, appearing interested by asking questions, face the person, maintain eye contact, lean toward the person, don't interrupt or walk over the person, don't let your thoughts wander, etc.
Identify at least one of the first 3 steps in DEARMAN? (DEA)
Describe the situation, Express how you feel about the situation, and Assert or Ask for want you want directly.
What does it mean to "Be Fair" in your interactions with actions?
Be fair to yourself and to the other person, validate both people's feelings and wishes, don't take advantage of others, make sure your needs get met, be willing to help someone without going overboard, return favors that people do for us, etc.
What is the name of the game that you use to decide the intensity to ask for something or the intensity to say no?
The dime game
What is an example of a myth related to Interpersonal Effectiveness?
Examples: Men don't cry, I can't stand it if someone is mad at me, I don't deserve to get things I want, I must be weak if I need to ask for help, It's selfish to say no to someone, I should prioritize other people's needs over my own, etc. (or others not listed here)
How can you use an "Easy Manner" in relationships? Give an example
Using humor, smiling, easing the person along, being light-hearted, leaving your attitude or strong opinions at the door, being flexible
What is the goal or objective for using DEARMAN? (When do we use it?)
To make a request (ask for something) or to say "No" to someone's request
Why is it important to not over-apologize?
Because if you apologize for things that aren’t you fault, your self-esteem and self-respect will suffer; others may take advantage of you; you may depreciate your self-worth
What are TWO THINGS that impact the level of asking or saying no to something.
Ex: priorities, the relationship, self respect, capability, timelessness, homework, authority, rights, long vs. short term goals, and respect.
Where do we learn IE myths?
Our environment (family, friends, school, work, society, social media, etc.)
Which part of the GIVE skill are you using when you tell someone that you understand their feelings, wants, difficulties and opinions about the situation
Validate
What does the "A" in "MAN" stand for? Give 2 examples of how you can do this.
Appear Confident - Examples: Maintaining eye contact, using a confident voice (not too soft), using direct language (not saying "I think" or "I'm not sure"), using confident body posture (shoulders squared, back straight) etc.
What are 2 ways that we can be Truthful in our relationships?
Be honest, don’t act helpless when you’re not, don’t exaggerate, don’t make up excuses
How can you validate someone? Give at least 2 examples. (Hint: Levels of Validation)
Pay Attention, Reflect Back, "Read Minds" or pick up on body language and what is not being said, Understand, Acknowledge the Valid, Show Equality (don't "one up" or "one down" the person)
How can we challenge IE myths?
Argue against it logically, experiment in the world and test our hypotheses, ask ourselves what we would say if a friend told us this, ask ourselves if there are any exceptions to this 'rule' or myth, or come up with a more balanced or Wise Mind statement. (Any of these count.)
What is the goal or objective for the GIVE skill? (You use it when your priority is ________)
Keeping or Improving the Relationship
Name all the DEAR MAN skills!
Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce Mindfully, Appear Confident, Negotiate
What is the goal or objective for the FAST skill? (You use this skill when your priority is _______)
Keeping or Improving your Self-Respect
What are 3 possible objectives or goals for interpersonal effectiveness?
Asking for what you want or saying no to something, Keeping and Improving Relationships, Keeping and Improving Self-Respect