IE Overview
What are the priorities to consider in interpersonal situations?
Objectives, relationship, self-respect
We use DEAR MAN skills when we...
Want to achieve our objective (ask for something or say no)
We use GIVE skills when we....
Want to prioritize the relationship.
We use FAST skills when we...
Want to prioritize self-respect
Name the "what" skills of mindfulness.
Observe, describe, participate.
When I express how I feel about something before I ask for it, I'm using a skill from...
DEAR MAN
What does the I in GIVE stand for (give an example)
Act Interested (maintain eye contact, don't let your thoughts wander, etc.)
When we validate our own feelings, as well as the other person's, we are practicing what step of FAST?
(be) Fair
What are the three states of mind?
Wise mind, Emotion mind, Reasonable mind
What is the purpose of the dime game?
Figure out how strongly to ask for something or say no
What does it mean to negotiate in DEARMAN? Give an example.
Be willing to give to get.
"What do you think we should do?"
What GIVE skill encourages using humor?
Easy manner
Explain the A in the FAST skill.
No apologies - don't apologize for being alive, making a request, having an opinion, or for disagreeing.
Letting go of extremes ("either-or" "always, never") refers to...
Dialectical thinking
What question should you ask yourself when considering relationship effectiveness?
How do I want the other person to feel about me after the interaction is over (whether or not I get the results I want)?
What do I have to do to get (or keep) this relationship?
Name one of the two techniques that are a part of staying Mindful in DEARMAN.
-Broken record
-Ignoring attacks and diversions
Give an example of how you might practice the V in GIVE.
Show that you understand the other person's feelings/thoughts through words and actions.
"I realize this is hard for you.."
Lying is one thing to avoid when you're using the Truthful skill in FAST, what's the other thing you want to avoid?
Acting helpless when you're not.
Give an example of a dialectical statement.
You can be mad at someone AND love the person.
You can be independent AND want help.
You can disagree with the rules AND also follow the rules.
What are two of the factors that impact the level of asking or saying no to something?
Capability, priorities, self-respect, rights, authority, relationship, long term vs. short term goals, give and take, homework, timing
Name all the DEAR MAN skills.
Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce Mindfully, Appear Confident, Negotiate
Name all the GIVE skills.
(be) Gentle, (act) Interested, Validate, (use an) Easy manner
Name all the FAST skills.
(be) Fair, (no) Apologies, Stick to Values, (be) truthful
Name three levels of validation.
Pay attention, Reflect back, Summarize/ask questions, Convey unexpressed emotion, Understand, Normalize, Equality, Be vulnerable, Use actions.