Self
What is an example of a value?
Authenticity, achievement, adventure, autonomy, balance, compassion, community, contribution, creativity, curiosity, fairness, faith, growth, honesty, humor, love, loyalty, openness, peace, pleasure, respect, stability, spirituality, trustworthiness
What DBT skill is related to how we learn about others' needs and wants and what does it stand for?
GIVE - genuine, interested, validating, and easy mannered
What DBT skill relates to how we ask for what we need in a relationship/situation?
DEARMAN
What is the definition of a boundary?
What is okay vs not okay, limitations, expectations of self and others
What would you define a conflict?
a disagreement or clash (perceived incompatibility or opposition), often involving opposing ideas, interests, or goals that can occur between individuals, groups or even within oneself
What DBT skill is related to self-respect and what does it stand for?
FAST! Fair, apologies when needed, stick to values, and truth and accountability
What are three qualities of being easy mannered?
attentive eye contact, polite, respectful, considerate, adaptable, positive outlook, use of humor, openness, relaxed and calm facial expressions and other non-verbal, curiosity, approachable, easy to talk to, humility, even tone of voice, steady pace of speech
How can you practice Mindfulness in a DEAR MAN when someone diverts away from the topic you brought up?
Designate a separate time to discuss new issue brought up
Repeat your request more than once
Re-direct the other person back to what you brought up
I'm curious how you're feeling when I ask you for XYZ
I notice XYZ about your body language, are you feeling open to this conversation?
Name three different types of boundaries.
Emotional, physical, sexual, financial, intellectual, material, time, digital
How could you use a DEAR MAN proactively to avoid a conflict from developing?
Set a boundary based on self-awareness before the violation happens, recognize patterns and early warning signs of a vulnerability and communicate needs to others in advance of it worsening, setting up a support system when you anticipate a distressing situation arising (COPE AHEAD)
How can you use truth and accountability in group?
Being honest on diary card, completing diary card, completing behavior chains, attending on time, being honest with self and others, engaging in meaningful ways
Nodding your head, not multi-tasking, phone is away, attentive eye contact, asking questions to learn more about someone's experience
What are three ways to appear confident when using DEAR MAN?
Examples: tall spine, gentle eye contact, even tone, steady speech pace, less filler words (e.g. like, um), clarity in speech
What does the A in BOUNDARY stand for?
Always remember values
What is an indicator that you are in Wise Mind during a conflict?
Staying curious about both my needs and the other person's needs, actively engaging in the conversation rather than dissociating or planning the rest of my day, recognizing impulsive urges and not acting on them immediately, aware of my emotions rather than suppressing them
What is the F in FAST and what is an example of using it?
Fair! Examples: Giving myself similar expectations to those I'd set for others, giving myself breaks when I need, avoiding overgeneralizations, limiting self-criticism
What is the difference between validation and encouragement?
Validation: acknowledging and accepting someone's feelings, thoughts, or beliefs even if you don't agree with them "I can see why you feel that way, that sounds really difficult"
Encouragement: focused on motivating and inspiring someone to take action, persevere or achieve a goal "I believe in you, keep going you're doing great"
How can you use DEAR MAN in group?
To set a boundary with a group member, to ask for a specific kind of support from the group, to clarify a teaching, to obtain resources to learn more, to describe a reaction you had to something someone shared
Describe the difference between porous/lenient, rigid, and healthy boundaries.
Porous/lenient: very flexible, maybe boundaries are non-existent, struggles to say no to others, does not prioritize own needs/wants
Rigid: Keeps others at a distance, does not share any information with others, cost is intimacy and new experiences
Healthy: ability to say no to others while staying open to closeness and new experiences with others
What conditions of a situation could indicate an opportunity for effective conflict navigation?
-All parties involved are in wise mind
-All parties involved are willing to listen and be present
-There is enough time to discuss the situation
-All parties have a clear understanding of their desired outcome
-All parties have eaten enough food, hydrated enough, and taken care of other bodily needs
What are 3 benefits strengthening self-respect?
Less likely to be taken advantage of, feel connected to values, ability to ask for what I need, increased confidence, stronger relationships, improved mental and physical health, resilience in the face of challenges, stronger self-worth, ability to set healthy boundaries, positive self-image and self-esteem
How do I know I am being genuine in an interaction with someone?
- Acting in a way that prioritizes my values
- I leave the conversation feeling calm, at ease, energized, connected
- I recognize myself, my voice, what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. how I'm presenting myself
What does the "E" in DEAR MAN stand for and when would you use it?
Express feelings/impact when it would be helpful to provide context and importance of a request/assertion
How do we navigate when someone's boundaries are different from our own?
Approach with NJS, negotiate if needed, act from a place of self-respect, remember your values
What skill can you use when conflicts are not resolved or when others are upset/angry?
Radical Acceptance
Self-soothe
Opposite to emotion
Attend to (other) relationships