Dearman
DEARMAN is for what priority
Getting what you want or Objective
GIVE is for what priority
When the relationship is the biggest priority.
The goal of the interpersonal effectiveness unit.
To learn how to ask for what you want and need from others in a healthy way. To build relationships.
DBT Stands for
What year did the Motorola Razr come out.
2004
When we look at the D in DEAR, we need to remember to only say....
The facts.
Give an example of Capital M- manipulate.
Threatening to suicide, hinting or expecting other's to read your mind, being critical, stonewalling, defensiveness, demanding, blackmailing, passiveness.
What is at least one things that gets in the way of people being effective in relationships.
1. They don't know what they want
2. Your emotions are getting in the way
3. You forget your long-term goals, only focus on short term
4. Other people get in the way
5. Your thoughts/beliefs get in the way
Name two mindfulness skills
Varies
guided meditations, noticing your breath, participating in games, describing, observing
Shane has this hobby that everyone was interested in.
Hobbies are a great topic for conversations if you don't know what to say.
Laser cutting/creating
What does the M stand for in DEARMAN.
Bonus 100- what is another phrase that you can say to help you with getting what you want that is a part of this M.
Broken Record
Name three nonverbals that help with the [E] easy manner.
Talk quieter, lower tone, slow down speech, make sure you aren't posturing, maybe sitting down instead of standing, make eye contact.
Are there others that i didn't list?
1. Objective/Getting what you want
2. Relationship/How I want other people to feel
3. Self-Respect/Liking how you handle a situation
We need emotions! They keep us alive! Tell me the three reasons why we have emotions.
1. Communicate to others
2. Communicate to myself
3. Motivate us to do something
Jake has been working on assertive communication with this person.
Remember his objective for dearman (A- I would like you to address issues with me privately).
Sponsor
Put your scripts in DEAR order
I am going to go to Grandma’s Christmas.
I am nervous because of the fights that we have been in.
I am asking you don’t speak to me about X issue during Christmas.
Thank you for understanding.
You told our son that he could play video games, after I said that he was grounded from them for 2 days.
I feel like this undermines our parenting relationship.
I want you to follow through with what I say or talk to me about things before you change anything.
I want to be a team with you.
FAST is for this priority.
Keeping your self respect
Try these two skills if you are trying to increase friendships.
1. Look for people who are close
2. Look for people who are similar
3. Work on conversation skills
4. Express liking (selectively)
How would you describe what you learn in this group to a stranger on the streets.
varies
Jake P shared an example of saying no to something in group.... do you remember who/what he said no to?
His work asked him to change shifts.
Even though his work really wanted him to change shifts, Jake stuck to his values and did not engage in people pleasing behavior that may build resentment in the long run.
When we use DEARMAN, the most important letter is this ___.
It is also one of the hardest because you need to know what you want.
Give me an example.
Assertive statement.
Give me an example of [S] sticking to your values when you think about your relationships.
Varies
Let's use the Dime Game!
Prompt: You are asking Tiffany to bring a treat into group. What level of intensity are we going to use?
40, Ask Tentatively, take no
+/- 10
To regulate your emotions you essentially do this.
Name your emotion
Check the facts
Opposite action vs Problem Solve
Jesse used this skill well in class when a peer was getting frustrated.
Jesse used VALIDATION.
Just because you validate someone's emotions does not mean that you agree with them. BUT everyone wants to know that you are hearing them and understand.