Younger Days
Oh, brother! This boy’s life was nearly stolen before John saved him by freeing him from a closed cooler.
Who is Rob?
Bombs away! John and his fraternity brothers would hide behind the couch at the fraternity house after throwing these into a roaring fire. Is that what they call "peer pressure?"
What are Aerosol Cans?
After Jody brought him home to meet the parents, her father coined this nickname for John, after his long hair and, perhaps, unkempt appearance.
What is Mountain Man?
In one of the choppier events of their marriage, John almost got himself and Jody killed after picking up a hitchhiker who was carrying this object.
Plutonium, not Georgia, was on John’s mind when he was partially responsible for the production of weapons of mass destruction at this facility.
What is the Savannah River Plant?
John told an elementary school teacher that math was his favorite subject, and to his disbelief his teacher said they would have given him this, if they had known.
What is a better grade?
What’s that light in the sky, Mr. Wayne? John and his fraternity brothers would leave the front door wide open into the well-lit frat house to attract these creatures inside.
What are bats?
Ever the Latin scholar, Jody’s father said this to John’s father after Mr. Benedict asked him if he’d heard about John’s athletic prowess.
What is "ad nauseum?"
A true diplomat, John almost got himself and Jody murdered after asking an uber driver this personal question (happened on two separate occasions). You can’t spell twice without ICE.
What is "Are you a United States Citizen?"
With Beverly Hillbilly energy, John said this after ordering a glass of milk at a fine dining establishment.
What is "we don't usually usually eat in fancy restaurants like this?"
A true badge of honor, to be honest, John was asked to leave this organization due to non-progress.
What are the Boy Scouts?
With nearly twice the normal number of first names, this man was John’s roommate throughout college and graduate school.
Who is Tom Edmunds?
John’s parents knew John was a survivor after he spent a miserable night in a bedroom with painted- shut windows, no air conditioning and a closet full of these objects. At least the sweaters would have remained intact.
What are mothballs?
I suppose this counts as one. John almost got himself and Jody drowned on their honeymoon while taking out a sailboat, despite these being raised in the harbor.
What are red flags?
Yeeeee-haw! Nobody tells me the safety regulations, you varmint! John defied the height restrictions at Busch Gardens by putting his children in these to make them taller.
What are cowboy boots?
This superlative was awarded to John his senior year of high school, no surprise for a state champ.
What is Best Athlete?
There’s no place like home! During graduate school John lived with two senior citizens, Elwood and this woman.
Who is Dorothy?
Jody’s parents knew John was determined after he spent an entire day under a bathroom counter doing this (unsuccessfully).
What is replace a faucet?
He may be the real deal, but John almost got himself killed when he brought these to Jody for Valentine’s Day.
What are fake flowers?
Ever the lover of philosophical moral quandaries, Hunter’s nickname for his uncle revealed John’s split personality.
What is Good Uncle John/Bad Uncle John?
John’s high school shares a name with this river that runs through Wilmington (or two items from a liquor store).
What is Brandywine?
This is a band he’ll never pass over. John loves to dance to “Boogie at Midnight” and “My Girl is Redhot” whenever this band played.
Who is Skip Castro?
Marriage, not Georgia, was on John’s mind; he was motivated to propose to Jody after moving to this city in South Carolina.
What is Augusta?
John almost found himself canned when he wrapped up this item as a Christmas present for Jody.
What is a dustpan?
When Jody called John at work to tell him that she was in labor (with Evan), he told her, in his dedication to efficiency, that he would do this.
What is meet her at the hospital?