Parenting Fails
A man of few words, this child taught his classmates both the "s-word" and the "d-word"
Wally
Before getting even raunchier with senator term lengths, this couple enjoyed their first kiss on a HOT summer night
Kevin & Sheesher
The line at the Italian station was 75 people deep at this wedding
Joe & Annie
Wally is often referred to by this starch
Potato
While becoming a daddy (of two), Sean asked that Kelly stop squeezing this so hard
Fingers/Hand
Pat left his daughters in the car while he shopped at this store
Heinen's
This brand of vodka was drank from a boot-shaped shot glass prior to Will and Maggie's first tongue wrestle
Burnett's
This man almost committed felonious assault after learning the bar ran out of vodka
Dr. Jack O'Connell
This girl cousin could also go by these 3 terms: flatulence, break wind, and rip
Maggie (Tootie)
Maggie had to undress Will from his tuxedo after this friend's wedding
Kevin Hopkins
Kevin's children sharted themselves while visiting this classic Halloween-themed activity
Haunted house
Pat and Meghan shared their first french kiss on this holiday
New Year's Eve
Our beloved CJP thought twice about walking down the aisle at this wedding
Corey & Emily
While not the Asian protagonist in the Rush Hour films, this cousin is called this by his mother
Jackie Chan (Jack)
"Pat, you screwed us!"
While mom was in DC, Papa was wearing this number as he met a Rocky River cop in the kitchen
Boxers
Sean's attempt at a first kiss missed Kelly's lips and landed on this part of her body
Eye
This snack was being rubbed all over Maggie's dress by the cousins at her wedding
Cheez-Its
Wielding a staff, Sammy had a short stint as this
The Shepherd
Kevin & co. whipped these out while the kids were still awake, causing high tension when one went missing
Weed gummies
Sean was a lunch-beer deep admiring this while Sammy fell off a picnic table, cracking his head open
Sod
Dad was dressed up as this on Halloween during his first kiss with Ellen Weiman
Superman
Papa upchucked in a toilet the morning after this cousin's wedding
Michael Dickey
This cousin has a name inspired by this traditional Easter "delicacy"
Peepers (Paige)
Papa once used this as an ice scraper on Ema's car, leaving a mark or two
Crushed La Croix can