Jokes
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie on it
What kind of felines can bowl?
Alley cats.
On what grounds did the police arrest the devil?
They got him on possession.
Why don’t anteaters ever get sick?
Their anty-bodies keep them healthy.
How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Just one … but it takes a whole lot of lightbulbs.
What should you do if your dog is not feeling well?
Take him to the dog-tor!
Who was the roundest knight in King Arthur’s court?
Sir Cumference.
How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Is it one or two? One … or two?
Why did the man bring his watch to the bank?
He wanted to save time.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because they have stinky feet!
Why did the salamander go to Hollywood?
To make newt movies!
How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
What did one fish in a tank say to the other fish in the tank?
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because everyone’s dying to get in.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated?
He’s all right now.
Why do dogs float in water?
Because they’re good buoys.
Why couldn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out, man.
Where do penguins go to vote?
The North Poll.
What do rich people say when they tickle babies?
“Gucci, Gucci, goo.”
What do you call a girl with no eyes?
A grl.
Why should you knock on your refrigerator door before opening it?
There may be salad dressing in there.
What did one toilet say to the other?
“You appear a bit flushed.”
Why aren’t lobsters generous?
Because they’re shellfish.