1
How does a squid go into battle?
Well armed
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once the second time it is 10 from 90
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef
Among the alphabet letters, which makes honey?
B
What goes up and down and stays in the same place?
the stairs
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
What did the left eye say to the right?
Between you and me, something smells
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was open?
Close the door I am dressing
What begins with an ‘e’ ends with an ‘e’ and only has one letter?
envelope
You have a single match and are in a pitch black room with a candle, an oil lamp, and a gas stove. Which do you light first?
The match
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What's ET short for?
Because he has little legs
What do you call bears with no ears?
B
Did you hear about the restaurant called karma?
No menu, you get what you deserve
Which three letters changes a girl to a woman?
age
What does Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name
How do you make Holy Water?
Boil the hell out of it
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
They don't meet the koalafications
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
a Mississippi
Why is England the wettest country?
Because the Queen has reigned there for years
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes "whack" "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" "whack"
What do you call a bee that cant make up his mind?
A maybe
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!!!!