Joke 1
Who is a bee’s favorite singer?
Sting!
Mr. and Mrs. Mustard have six daughters and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the Mustard family?
There are nine Mustards in the family. Since each daughter shares the same brother, there are six girls, one boy and Mr. and Mrs. Mustard.
Who helps injured whales?
Sturgeons!
Can you write down eight eights so that they add up to one thousand?
888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1000.
What is there one of in every corner and two of in every room?
The letter O.
Why is Scooby-Doo so into decorating?
He loves a shaggy carpet!
I am something people love or hate. I change peoples appearances and thoughts. If a person takes care of them self I will go up even higher. To some people I will fool them. To others I am a mystery. Some people might want to try and hide me but I will show. No matter how hard people try I will Never go down. What am I?
Age.
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
It wasn’t peeling well!
It can't be seen, can't be felt, can't be heard, and can't be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, Ends life, and kills laughter. What is it?
The dark.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Where would you learn to make a Knickerbocker Glory?
At sundae school!
Only one color, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
What is it?
It's a shadow!
What happened when the blue boat and the red boat crashed into each other?
They were marooned!
What is it that given one, you'll have either two or none?
A choice.
What is stronger than steel but can’t handle the sun?
Ice.
Why did Sleepy the dwarf put a ruler under his pillow?
To see how long he can sleep!
Who is that with a neck and no head, two arms and no hands? What is it?
A shirt.
What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
Quark, quark, quark!
What English word retains the same pronunciation, even after you take away four of its five letters?
Queue.
I invented a new word!
Plagiarism!
What’s the best type of cheese in the upside-down?
Demogorgonzola!
If eleven plus two equals one, what does nine plus five equal?
11 o'clock plus 2 hours = 1 o'clock
9 o'clock plus 5 hours = 2 o'clock
What is an owl’s favourite dessert?
Mice cream!
Three playing cards in a row. Can you name them with these clues? There is a two to the right of a king. A diamond will be found to the left of a spade. An ace is to the left of a heart. A heart is to the left of a spade. Now, identify all three cards.
Ace of Diamonds, King of Hearts, Two of Spades.
What is it that no one wants, but no one wants to lose?
A lawsuit.