Circles
What are the relationship circles?
Colored circles inside one another to help us determine the kinds of relationships we have with people.
They help us understand the kinds of Talk, Trust, and Touch that are appropriate in different relationships.
Fill in the blank:
A conversation is like tossing a _______.
Ball
Each person needs a turn and no one should hold the ball for too long
We always want to start a conversation the BEST way. What is B?
B = ?
E = Eye contact
S = Space
T = Talk
B = Body
Face the other person. Use your body language to show you want to have a conversation.
How do you answer a closed-ended question?
Yes or No.
Sometimes with a very short answer like when asking about favorites.
What is a conversation starter?
A question that starts the conversation.
It's best when they are open-ended questions.
What happens if you don't stay on topic?
You may confuse the other person and they may not want to talk to you again.
What does it mean to answer our own question?
You ask a question, the other person takes a turn talking, and you answer the question you asked earlier.
Me: What are you doing tonight?
Them: I'm going to do laundry and listen to music.
Me: I'm going to make dinner and watch TV.
How do you know when to change the subject?
When you run out of things to say about one topic - awkward silence.
When you don't know about a topic/the topic makes you uncomfortable- politely ask to change the subject.
What do conversation maps show?
a. broad, narrow, and connecting topics
b. starters, subject changers, and follow up
c. open vs. close-ended questions
a. broad, narrow, and connecting topics
up is broader topics.
down is narrower topics.
out to the sides are connecting topics.
What are the 3 Ts?
Talk- how you talk to people in each circle
Trust- level of trust you have with people in each circle
Touch- types of touch (or not) you can do with people in each circle
Friendship is ______.
A. a requirement
A. a choice
B. a choice
You do not have to be friends with everyone and everyone does not have to be friends with you.
You DO have to RESPECT everyone.
Simon stands near Betty, looks at the ground, and starts talking.
Is Simon starting the conversation the right way?
No.
Simon needs to look at Betty, catch her glance and give some eye contact, to show that he wants to start a conversation.
What kind of words do open-ended questions often start with?
W/H words
Who What Where When Why How
Why is it important to listen to the other person?
Listening allows us to learn about the other person, which can lead to becoming better acquaintances or friends.
Listening enables us to maintain the conversation.
Listening provides opportunities for follow-up questions and comments.
Why is it important to stay on topic?
It allows for rich communication- the more you talk about a topic the more you learn about it.
Everyone can be part of the conversation and no one will be a conversation hog.
Why do we sometimes need to answer our own questions?
If the other person forgets to ask a follow-up we need to answer our own question to maintain the conversation.
If we ask more questions the conversation may turn into an interview.
What is the first step when changing the subject?
a. Wait for a pause.
b. Acknowledge what they said with a short comment.
c. Introduce a new topic.
a. Wait for a pause.
2. Acknowledge what they said with a short comment.
3. Introduce a new topic.
What happens if you skip a step when ending a conversation?
The other person may be confused or hurt.
The other person may think we're bored with them or are rude.
The other person may not want to talk with us again.
What is an acquaintance?
Someone you know from a shared experience.
They are not as close as friends but are closer than community helpers and strangers
Examples: boss, coworker, mentor, program staff
Our Place staff = Friend or Acquaintance?
Guy from kickboxing who you text and hang out with every Sunday = Friend or Acquaintance?
Girl you chat with in art class = Friend or Acquaintance?
Our Place staff = Acquaintance
Guy from kickboxing who you text and hang out with every Sunday = Friend
Girl you chaat with in art class = Acquaintance
Harper stands by the door, catches Daryll's eye, and shouts across the room to him. Ivy, Tom, and Jace are talking in the middle of the room.
Is Harper starting the conversation the right way?
No.
Harper is giving Daryll too much space. She's disrupting Ivy, Tom, and Jace's conversation by shouting. Harper should be about an arm's length (or 6 feet during COVID) away from Daryll, not a whole room.
Why are open-ended questions great for conversations?
They allow more detail and provide more information for follow-up.
Their answers are more interesting than close-ended questions.
What happens if we don't actively listen to the other person?
We won't know what the conversation is about.
The conversation will end if someone isn't listening.
We appear uninterested and rude so the other person may feel hurt and not want to talk to us again.
What is a follow-up question?
Another question related to the topic.
They always come after the conversation starter
Do we always need to answer our own questions?
No.
If the other person asks a follow-up then the conversation can continue from there.
It's not always possible to answer our own question. If we ask a very specific question about the other person then we might not be able to answer it for ourselves. Example: Asking about a restaurant that we've never been to.
Name a strategy you can use to change the subject naturally.
Use introductory phrases like "speaking of" or "by the way."
Use what's in your environment- look around.
Make a positive comment or give a compliment.
Use what you know about the person.
Use connecting topics.
What is step 2 for how to end a conversation?
1. Wait for a pause.
2. ______.
3. Tell them it was nice talking to them.
4. Say goodbye.
5. Walk away/turn off Zoom/hang up.
1. Wait for a pause.
2. Give a reason for leaving.
3. Tell them it was nice talking to them.
4. Say goodbye.
5. Walk away/turn off Zoom/hang up.
What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?
A friend is someone with whom you have things in common and spend time together outside of where you first met.
An acquaintance is someone you know from a shared experience. You only have a few things in common and you do not spend time together outside of where you first met.
How do the relationship circles help with conversations?
They help us make healthy and appropriate decisions about how much to trust and how to talk to people.
We don't talk the same with everyone. If we know what circle they are in, then we know what topics to talk about and how we can talk.
Examples: We talk professionally about general topics with our boss, and we talk casually and about more private topics with friends.
What is missing from this conversation?
a. Conversation Starter
b. Greeting
c. Nothing. It's perfect.
Cassie is reading a book. Pete walks up to Cassie and says "How was your soccer game last week?"
b. Greeting
Cassie may be confused if Pete doesn't say hello first. She also may not realize he's talking to her.
Is this an open or close-ended question?
"Do you like Hawaiian pizza?"
Close-Ended Question
Name one thing we can do if we get distracted during a conversation?
Take a deep breath
Stretch
Apologize and ask the person to repeat what they said
Take a short break if you can
Lauren: Hey! What did you think of the hockey game?
Joseph: It was so awesome! Did you see Smith make that shot in the last 2 seconds of the game?
Is the follow-up question on topic or off topic?
On Topic
Lauren asked about hockey and Joseph asked a follow-up question about hockey.
Matilda: Did you get any cool presents this year?
Claire: Yeah, I got a new iPad. It's awesome!
Matilda: That's great! I got some nice hand cream and 2 fuzzy sweaters. What do you like to do on your new iPad?
Identify how Matilda answers her own question.
a. That's great!
b. I got some nice hand cream and 2 fuzzy sweaters.
c. What do you like to do on your new iPad?
b. I got some nice hand cream and 2 fuzzy sweaters.
Matilda asked about Claire's presents and now she's talking about her presents.
What was the first topic? What was the last topic?
Oscar: Hey Penny. Did you have a nice weekend?
Penny: Yeah, it was really relaxing. How was your weekend?
Oscar: Pretty good. I FaceTimed with my grandparents.
Penny: That's cool. Do they live nearby?
Oscar: No, they live in Texas so I don't get to see them often. I love going to visit though. My grandma shows me old pictures of my dad and my grandpa and I do a lot of fishing.
Penny: Wow! I've never gone fishing before. How does it work?
First topic = weekend
Last topic = fishing
Is this a good or bad way to end a conversation?
Stanley: I prefer the stationary bike, myself, but I see why you like the stairclimber. Have you ever tried a rowing machine?
Brenda: Rowing machines are fun. I like to pretend I'm on a big lake or the ocean.
Stanley: Bye. (walks away)
Bad.
Stanley waited for a pause and said goodbye, but he needed to give a reason for leaving and say it was nice talking to Brenda.
How do we use the circles?
First, figure out what circle the person is in. I am always in the purple in the middle.
Closer circle = more trust; more talk, talk about more personal topics
Farther circle = less trust; less talk, talk about public/general topics
Name 2 basic conversation rules.
Listen
Stay on topic
Don't hog the conversation
Don't ask too many questions
Be polite
What is missing in step 4 of starting a conversation?
1. Identify the kind of relationship you have- what circle are they in?
2. Wait for the right time and place
3. Wait for a pause if another conversation is happening or if on Zoom
4. Establish ________
5. Greet them appropriately
6. Use your conversation starter
1. Identify the kind of relationship you have- what circle are they in?
2. Wait for the right time and place
3. Wait for a pause if another conversation is happening or if on Zoom
4. Establish eye contact
5. Greet them appropriately
6. Use your conversation starter
Is this an open or close-ended question?
"What do you like about horseback riding?"
Open-Ended Question
"Hi Anna! It's great to see you. What did you do over the Christmas break?"
What is the conversation starter?
a. Hi Anna!
b. It's great to see you.
c. What did you do over the Christmas break?
c. What did you do over the Christmas break?
"Hi Anna! It's great to see you." is all part of the greeting.
Oliver: Where do you want to go on your next vacation?
Emma: What do you think of my new fuzzy slippers?
Is the follow-up question on topic or off topic?
Off Topic
Oliver asked about vacations and Emma asked about her fuzzy slippers. She should have talked about vacations first.
Samantha: What is your New Year's resolution for 2021?
Owen: I want to be more organized so I bought a new planner to help me.
Samantha: Good idea! I want to try journaling so I'm going to write for at least 5 minutes every day. Do you have any tips?
Identify how Samantha answers her own question.
a. Good idea!
b. I want to try journaling so I'm going to write for at least 5 minutes every day.
c. Do you have any tips?
b. I want to try journaling so I'm going to write for at least 5 minutes every day.
Samantha asked Owen about New Year's resolutions so now she's sharing her resolution.
What was the first topic? What was the last topic?
Ravi: I can't wait for Taco Tuesday! What kind of tacos are you going to get?
Max: I think I'll get 2 chicken tacos and 1 beef taco. And tons of guacamole of course!
Ravi: Definitely can't forget the guacamole! I went to a restaurant once where they made the guacamole at your table. It was probably the best I've ever had.
Max: Wow. I've never had that but I've been to Japanese Teppanyaki restaurants where they make the food at your table. It's pretty awesome.
Ravi: I've always wanted to go to one of those places but I don't really like Japanese food.
Max: Maybe go once just for fun then. What kinds of food do you like?
Ravi: I love Italian food but I also like Mexican, Chinese, Thai, and Indian. There's a great Italian restaurant in Chicago we should go to sometime.
First topic = tacos and guacamole
Last topic = Italian food
Topic 1: Sushi
Topic 2: Chinese noodles
Is Topic 2 a broad, narrow, or connecting topic?
Connecting topic.
Chinese noodles is connected to sushi.
Type of sushi would be narrow.
Japanese restaurants would be broad.