Week one
the five factor model
•What is the five factor model?
–A model for anger that describes how various components of anger are interconnected
5 components of the five factor model
1.Environment/situation
2.Feelings/emotions
3.Physical sensations
4.Behavior
5.thoughts
3 Costs of Aggressive Behavior
•Strained or ruined relationships
•Lack of respect over time because people see you as someone who is out of control
•Negative self-image or guilt
•Isolation and loneliness because people avoid interacting with you out of fear
•Legal problems
•Health problems associated with chronic stress
To challenge a negative thought
Will this matter a week from now?
What would I say to a friend if they were in in the same situation?
If I look at the situation positively, how is it different?
Are there parts of the situation I am not considering?
Is there evidence to support my thoughts? ("just the facts ma'am")
Is there evidence against my thought? (facts! just the facts!)
The acronym HARD
•Honest
•Appropriate
•Respectful
•Direct
Assertive Communication
3 “Unhealthy” responses to conflict
•Inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to you or the other person
•Communicating aggressively, passive-aggressively, or passively
•Being overly rigid/refusing to work towards a resolution
•Holding grudges
•Interrupting other person or “waiting to talk.”
•Using general statement or challenging the persons character
The relationship of anger and anxiety
Anger and anxiety - they are both reactions to stress and both trigger the release of adrenalin, which is the chemical that drives fight or flight.
Two Benefits of Aggressive Behavior
•Get what you want because others are intimidated by your verbal or physical threats
•Feel that you get respect from others when they give in
•Release of built up tension and a feeling of relief
Example of a a challenged unhelpful thought (hint the unhelpful thought and the new helpful thought)
example "I don't like it when she is late but it is not something that is worth ruining our time together over by having a fight."
An example of aggressive communication
•Honest, direct
•Yelling
•Belittling
(not appropriate)
3 “Healthy” Responses to conflict
•Willingness to acknowledge, respect, and address differences in opinions and values
•Communicating assertively by being honest, appropriate, respectful, and direct
•Being willing to explore options openly
•Sticking to the point
•Listening and trying to understand other person
•Using “I-statements”
Anger
•Natural human emotion
•Signal that something is wrong
•Part of fight or flight system
Time-out
•A strategy for when you become angry
•Helps you to cool-off, reset, process the situation before you respond
•Involves telling the other person you need to take a time-out
Your physical cue that you are getting angry.
•Short breaths
•Sweating
•Rapid heart beat
•Muscle tension
An example of passive-aggressive communication
•Appropriate/not
•Respectful
•Not honest or direct
•Not addressing the issue head on
A question to ask yourself before starting a conversation.
•What exactly is bothering me?
•What are my feelings about this issue?
•What do I want the other Person to do or not do?
•What is my goal for having this conversation?
•What are the possible outcomes that are acceptable to me?
•When is a good time to have this conversation?
•How might the other person’s view be different from mine?
diaphragmatic breathing (or belly breathing)
•A very simple quick control strategy
•Helps reduce feelings of anger and anxiety
•Works by slowing down your breathing and taking air all the way down into the bottom of your lungs
•Naturally happens when we are relaxed/sleeping
Name 2 things you could do during a time-out
•Practice diaphragmatic breathing
•Walk around outside / take out the dog, trash, check the snow blower
•Wash your face with cool water
•Practice progressive muscle relaxation
How your actions may change as you are getting angry.
•Increasing volume
•Throwing things/Being destructive
•Not listening to others
•Narrowed focus
"I-statement"
“I feel emotion when you do behavior. I would appreciate it if you would do alternative behavior instead. I want you to try to understand that if you are not willing to make this change consequence.
Conflict Resolution
•Conflict is a normal, and even healthy, part of relationships because no two people can be expected to agree on everything all the time
•Successful conflict resolution involves managing your own emotions/behaviors, paying attention to the emotions/behaviors of the other person, and being respectful of differences
A technique to track our ager.
The anger meter helps us to pay closer attention to what is going on with us. The meter uses a 0-10 scale with zero being no anger or distress and 10 being extreme rage and losing control.
3 triggers for anger
•Anxiety
•Feeling disrespected
•Feeling fearful
•Confusion
•Misunderstanding
Name and describe an unhelpful thinking pattern
•All or nothing
•Over-generalizing
•Mental filter
•Disqualifying the positive
•Jumping to conclusions
•Margination
•Emotional reasoning
•Labelling
•Personalization
•“Shoulding” (don't "should" on yourself)
an example of passive communication
•Not honest, appropriate, respectful, or direct
•Complete avoidance of the conflict
2 rules for “fighting fair”
•Remain calm
•Express feeling in words, not action
•Be specific about what is bothering you
•Deal with only one issue at a time
•No hitting below the belt
•Avoid accusation
•Try not to vernalize
•Avoid make believe
•Don’t stockpile
•Avoid clamming up
•Establish common ground rules