GROANERS
Why did Jim go golfing with two pairs of pants on?
In case he got a HOLE IN ONE
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
NINE
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
David
What kind of room has no windows or doors?
A Mushroom.
What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years ?
The letter "M"
What word is always pronounced wrong?
WRONG.
When I take five and add six, I get eleven, but when I take six and add seven, I get one. What am I?
A CLOCK.
A beggar's brother died, but the man who died had not brother.
The beggar was a woman.
Squeeze it and it cries tears as red as it's flesh. It's heart is made of stone
What is a CHERRY?
If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you won't have me. What am I?
A SECRET?
What gives you ability to walk through walls?
DOORS
How many letters are there in "the English alphabet"?
EIGHTEEN
Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
FIVE
Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail never clinking.
A FISH.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
The FUTURE.
A cowboy rode into town on Friday, stayed three days, and left on Friday. How is this possible ?
His horse is named FRIDAY.
If you multiply this number by any other number, the answer will always be the same. What number is this?
ZERO
Two fathers and two sons went fishing one day. They were there the whole day and only caught 3 fish. One father said, that is enough for all of us, we will have one each. How can this be possible?
They are grandfather, father and son.
I come out of the earth, I am sold in the market. He who buys me cuts off my tail, takes off my suit of silk, and weeps beside me when I am dead.
What is an ONION?
I'm tall when I'm young and short when I'm old. What am I?
A CANDLE.
Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?
Still Mount Everest. Just because it wasn’t discovered didn’t make it any smaller.
A word I know, Six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains.
DOZENS
If your uncle’s sister is related to you but is not your aunt, what is the relation ?
She is your mother.
Remove the outside, cook the inside. Eat the outside, throw away the inside. What am I?
CORN
A man is moving towards a field, but he knows that when he gets there he will die. Why does he keep going ?
His parachute won't open.