MASK OR REAL?
Your friends are talking about a horror movie you love, but dad's coworker is visiting. Do you join the conversation or stay quiet?
Real = joining in (it's your authentic interest); Mask = staying quiet to follow dad's "be appropriate around others" rule
Mom asks for the 5th time today "Are you okay?" Translate what she's really saying.
I love you and I'm worried about you" or "I don't know how to help and I'm scared of missing warning signs
You get annoyed when mom constantly checks on you. Dig one layer deeper—what's under the annoyance?
Feeling not trusted, feeling suffocated, wanting independence respected, frustration that progress isn't being seen
Mom asks if you're okay. You've already answered twice today. What's a boundary-setting response that's both kind and clear?
Mom, I appreciate that you care. I'm doing well, and I promise I'll tell you if I'm not. Asking multiple times actually makes me more stressed"
A 14-year-old tells you his parents don't believe he's depressed. What do you tell him based on your experience?
Personal answer - therapist explores what he learned, how he'd validate the peer, what advice he'd give about advocating for yourself
You're having a rough day emotionally. Mom asks how you are. You say "fine" but you're not. Mask or real, and what would real look like?
Mask = saying "fine" when you're not; Real = "I'm struggling today, but I need some space to process it. I'll let you know if I need help"
Dad apologizes for harsh words but then the conversation ends. What might dad be feeling that stops him from saying more?
Possible answers: shame, not knowing what else to say, fear of making it worse, his own difficulty with vulnerability, hoping the apology is enough
Dad said hurtful things to you. You felt angry. What was the emotion RIGHT before the anger showed up?
Hurt, betrayal, feeling unseen/misunderstood, sadness, disappointment
Dad wants you to not wear gore shirts around his friends. You want to be yourself. What's a boundary that respects both needs?
I'll be respectful and polite around your friends, but my clothing is part of who I am. Can we find a middle ground where I'm not wearing the most intense stuff, but I'm also not pretending to be someone I'm not?
Your friend says "My dad apologized but nothing changed." What do you coach him to do next?
Talk to dad about what needs to happen after apology, express what you need specifically, give it time but also advocate for actual changes in behavior/communication, consider family therapy
Dad says "show more emotion" but you feel plenty of emotions—you just don't show them his way. What's the real issue here?
The real issue is about whose definition of "emotion" counts. Real = expressing emotions in YOUR authentic way, not performing emotions to meet someone else's expectations
You say you need space. Mom hears "he's pushing me away again." How do you translate your need into her language?
I need space because I'm doing well and I'm learning to handle things independently. When I need help, I promise I'll come to you. Your support means letting me practice these skills
Think about the anger you had toward dad a few weeks ago. Where do you feel it in your body, and what does it protect you from feeling?
Personal answer - therapist explores somatic experience and whether anger protects from vulnerability, sadness, fear of abandonment, or feeling "too much"
Family wants you to be more involved in family activities. You need alone time to recharge. Create a boundary that offers something while protecting your needs.
I'll commit to [specific activity/time] with the family, but I also need [specific alone time] to take care of myself. Both are important to me
A kid asks you "How do I stop being angry all the time?" What's the most important thing you've learned about anger that you'd share?
Personal answer - therapist reinforces client's insight about anger as secondary emotion, importance of identifying what's underneath, anger as information/protection
You want to wear your band tee to a family dinner. You know it'll cause tension. What's the difference between picking your battles vs. wearing a mask?
Picking battles = conscious choice based on YOUR priorities (maybe this dinner isn't the hill to die on); Mask = hiding who you are out of fear/shame. Key difference: who's making the choice
Dad has rules about how you should act (show emotion, be kind around others, dress differently). Translate what fear might be driving those rules.
Fear you'll be judged/rejected by others, fear you're depressed again, fear of losing you, wanting you to "fit in" to protect you, his own shame/anxiety about how family is perceived
Your brother annoys you a lot. If the annoyance was a security guard, what painful feeling is it guarding the door to?
Possible answers: jealousy (he fits in easier), loneliness (wanting connection but not knowing how), resentment (he doesn't have same rules), grief (missing easier family dynamics)
You're not ready to be in a room with both mom and dad for family therapy yet. Dad seems ready and eager. How do you hold this boundary without feeling guilty?
"I'm working toward that, and I want family therapy to be successful. Right now, individual meetings help me be more honest and work through things at my pace. This IS me doing the work, just in the way I need to"
Someone tells you "I feel like I have to wear a mask at home." You're 5 years in the future, having figured this out. What wisdom do you offer?
Personal answer - therapist explores client's hopes for future self, what healing/growth looks like, how he wants to resolve this tension
Name one specific moment this past month where you wore the mask, and one moment you didn't. What made the difference?
Personal answer - therapist explores what internal/external factors influenced his choice, reinforcing agency
Last year when you opened up about depression, you felt no one believed you until the psych ward. What does your family need to understand about that experience now?
Personal answer - therapist helps client articulate: impact of not being believed, what changed after hospitalization, what he needs differently now, how it affects current trust
After the psych ward, dad "tried to normalize it" and you felt he wasn't really present. What did you need from him that you didn't get?
Personal answer - therapist explores unmet needs: acknowledgment of seriousness, emotional presence, validation, sustained support, dad's own vulnerability about being scared
Dad's rules are: be kind around others, show more emotion, don't wear certain clothes. Create a counter-proposal that addresses his underlying concerns while honoring your authenticity.
"I will be respectful and kind (already am), I'll work on sharing feelings in family therapy when it feels safe, and I'd like to make my own clothing choices since that's part of my identity. Can we try this and check in monthly?
Your younger self from last year—before the psych ward—is sitting across from you right now. What does he need to hear from you today?
Personal answer - therapist facilitates self-compassion, recognition of growth, validation of past pain, hope for future