Guess the Core Issue
Context: Emily gets feedback on a project at work.
Her boss says, “This part is great, but this section could use more detail.”
Instead of seeing it as constructive, Emily thinks, I’m terrible at my job. Everyone is smarter than me.
She spends the rest of the day feeling small, avoiding coworkers, and over-apologizing for minor things.
self-esteem
Context: Jamie has a bad day at work.
Instead of soothing himself or using coping skills, he calls his partner and says, “You have to make me feel better right now or I can’t get through the night.”
When his partner is busy, Jamie feels abandoned and angry.
Too Dependent / Emotional Needs
Context: Carlos’s mother calls every night and criticizes his parenting choices.
He listens quietly, feeling upset but never speaking up.
Later, he lies awake replaying the conversation, feeling resentful but powerless.
No Boundaries
Context: After a stressful day, Taylor eats an entire cake and drinks a bottle of wine “to relax.”
Out of control (lacking moderation)
Context: Olivia spends hours cooking a dinner for friends.
She anxiously waits for compliments, and when no one mentions the food right away, she feels unappreciated.
Context: Rachel meets someone in the grocery line.
Within 3 minutes, she’s telling them intimate details about her divorce and financial struggles.
The other person looks uncomfortable and changes the subject, but Rachel keeps sharing.
Boundaries
Context: Taylor is grieving the loss of a pet.
Friends check in, but Taylor says “I’m fine” and avoids conversation.
Later, Taylor feels resentful that “no one cares.”
Antidependent
Context: After being hurt in past relationships, Malik refuses to open up to friends.
When a coworker asks how he’s doing, he says “Fine” and changes the subject.
Even with safe people, he avoids sharing feelings or needs.
Walls
Context: Morgan feels hurt by a partner’s sarcastic comment.
Instead of saying anything, Morgan acts like everything is fine, but withdraws emotionally for the next week.
Too controlled (Over containment)
Context: David gets the highest sales numbers for the month.
He tells coworkers, “If you worked as hard as I do, you’d have numbers like this,” and stops offering to help the team.
One up
Context: Jamie gets frustrated with a co-worker during a meeting.
Instead of waiting to address it privately, Jamie blurts out, “You’re impossible to work with!” in front of the entire team.
Moderation/ Containment
Context: Dana won’t try a new hobby or go to social events unless her boyfriend goes with her.
If he’s busy, she stays home and complains about being bored and lonely.
Too dependent
Context: In a group therapy session, Sam interrupts another member mid-story to give detailed instructions on how to “fix” their life.
The other member looks uncomfortable but Sam doesn’t notice.
No Boundaries
Context: During a stressful work project, Sam feels overwhelmed but says nothing to the team.
Eventually, Sam misses a major deadline because no one knew he was drowning.
Too Controlled (Over containment)
Context: Ben forgets to pay a bill on time.
He tells himself, I’m so irresponsible — I can’t do anything right.
One Down
Context: Maria is buying a new phone.
She calls three different friends, asking them to choose for her.
Even after they give advice, she refuses to buy one until someone else makes the decision outright.
Dependency
Context: Alex is moving apartments.
Friends offer to help carry heavy furniture, but Alex insists, “I’ve got it” — even though he’s struggling and hurting his back
Antidependent
Context: Anna starts dating someone new.
She quickly changes her schedule, hobbies, and even her clothing style to match their preferences.
She stops spending time with friends because she fears losing the relationship.
No boundaries
Context: Jordan gets mild constructive feedback at work.
Instead of taking it in as helpful, Jordan feels devastated, cries in the bathroom, and considers quitting.
Out of Control (no moderation)
Context: After a first date, Jonah texts repeatedly, needing reassurance that the person likes him.
If they don’t respond right away, he feels panicked and worthless.
One Down (other esteem)
Context: Marco is feeling insecure about his relationship.
When his partner comes home late from work, he accuses them of being unfaithful.
There’s no evidence, but Marco insists, “I know you’re lying.”
Reality
Context: Chris starts a new job.
On Monday, he calls his friend three times for reassurance about workplace stress.
On Tuesday, when the same friend checks in, Chris says, “Why are you acting like I can’t handle my life?”
Needless Wantless
Context: Taylor’s coworker asks if Taylor can cover their shift this weekend.
Taylor checks their calendar, sees they already have personal plans, and says:
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not available this weekend. I hope you’re able to find someone.”
The coworker says, “Oh, come on, can’t you just cancel your plans?”
Taylor calmly repeats, “I understand you’re in a bind, but I’m going to keep my plans.”
Healthy Boundaries
Context: Jordan’s roommate forgets to take the trash out for the third week in a row.
Jordan notices feeling frustrated and takes a few deep breaths before speaking.
Later that evening, they say:
“Hey, I’ve noticed the trash has been left for a few weeks. Could we come up with a plan so it gets done on time?”
The conversation stays calm, and they agree to a shared schedule.
Healthy moderation and containment
Context: During a work meeting, Mia’s idea isn’t chosen.
She thinks, Of course they didn’t pick my idea — I’m not smart enough.
She stays quiet for the rest of the meeting, avoiding eye contact.
One Down