Dad Jokes
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because it was filled with fans!
What has hands but cannot clap?
A clock!
A man pushes his car to a hotel and tells the owner he's bankrupt. Why?
He's playing Monopoly!
What is the only type of rock that can naturally float on top of water?
Pumice! (It forms from volcanic eruptions and is full of tiny air bubbles).
🐸 + 👑
the frog prince
Why do mushrooms get invited to every single party?
Because they are a "fun-gi" (fun guy)!
What belongs to you, but everyone else uses it way more than you do?
Your name
What can you hold in your right hand, but never in your left hand?
Your left elbow!
True or False: Lighting is significantly hotter than the surface of the sun.
True! (Lightning can be 5 times hotter than the sun's surface).
🍎 + 👁️
apple of my eye
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur
A dino-snore
David's parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what is the name of the third son
David
If you are running a race and you pass the person in second place, what place are you in now?
Second place
Which frozen planet in our solar system uniquely spins completely on its side like a rolling ball?
Uranus!
⏰ + 💣
Ticking time bomb
Why did the scarecrow win a major award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries
A towel
A cowboy rides into town on Friday. He stays for three full days, then leaves town on Friday. How is this possible?
The horse's name is Friday
What gas makes up the absolute majority (about 78%) of the air we breathe every day on Earth?
Nitrogen! (Oxygen is only about 21%).
🤐 + 🔑
Lock your lips
What did the ocean say to the shore?
nothing, it just waved!
I have a neck but absolutely no head, and I wear a cap but have no face. What am I?A bottle
A bottle
Two fathers and two sons go fishing together. They only catch three fish total, but each person gets to take home one whole fish. How is this possible?
There are only 3 people
What is the only letter in the English alphabet that does not appear anywhere on the Periodic Table of Elements?
J
💵 + 🚫 + 🌱 + 🌳
Money doesn't grow on trees!