Dad jokes
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing, they just waved
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles!
I invented a new word:
Plagiarism
How do stars host a party?
They planet
What did the hamburger say when he introduced his girlfriend?
"This is Patty!"
What does the moon do to cut his hair?
Eclipse it! (He clips it)
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I found out my girlfriend is a ghost yesterday.
I suspected it the second she walked through the door.
Why didn't the teddy bear go back for seconds?
Because he was stuffed!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I get them all cut!"
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders:
A diet coke and a mop.
I saw a kid crying at the mall this morning, he said he had lost 200$
I felt so bad, I gave him 40$ of the 200$ I found
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come!
What did one wall say to the other?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
What do you call the fear of Santa?
Claustrophobia
A guy walked into a bar and lost:
The limbo contest.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
I would tell you a joke about construction,
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"Supplies!"
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
If two vegans get into an argument, is it still called:
Beef?
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
I'm afraid of the calendar,
Its days are numbered.
Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!