Scientology
Status reached when your “engrams” are gone and the auditing bill is, too.
Clear
LDS scripture (Abr. 3) says the star “nearest unto the throne of God” is this one—immortalized in a hymn that could make even astronomers hum.
Kolob
As a number, this represents the numerical value of deity-like beings that true believers of this faith, believe in
0
Benevolent appendage Adam Smith said guides markets—even though nobody’s seen it shake hands.
The Invisible Hand
Sacred metric figured as (likes + comments + shares) ÷ followers × 100 %; the influencer’s true “holiness score.”
Engagement rate
Hand‑held device that measures skin‑galvanic response during auditing.
The E-Meter
Doctrine in D&C 132 promising that couples who enter this form of marriage can continue their posterity forever—talk about an eternal honeymoon.
Eternal (Celestial) marriage
Popular argument: the burden of proof lies on the person making the supernatural claim—a cosmic “pics or it didn’t happen.”
Burden-of-proof principle
Corporate mantra urging executives to maximize this for shareholders.
Value (or Profit)
One-sided emotional bond followers form with influencers they’ve never met—named by Horton & Wohl back in 1956.
Parasocial relationship
Highest publicly discussed level on the “Bridge to Total Freedom” (hint: rhymes with “mate”).
OT VIII
In an 1836 Kirtland Temple vision, Elijah returned to restore these priesthood “keys,” allowing families to be united across the veil.
The sealing power (keys of Elijah)
Bertrand Russell’s tiny orbiting china object illustrating burden of proof—because even atheists enjoy celestial dishware.
Russell’s Teapot
Secular high holy day of bargain hunting the day after U.S. Thanksgiving.
Black Friday
Ontological scandal where an “influencer” with millions of followers exists only as computer-generated pixels yet still lands brand deals—name this species of influencer.
Virtual (CGI) influencer
Galactic overlord said to have dropped souls around volcanoes 75 million years ago (spoiler: not in Star Wars canon)
Xenu
Blasphemy Bonus
Violate the Words of Wisdom
Existentialist slogan coined by Sartre: “___ precedes essence.”
Existence
Faith that markets work best when government keeps its mitts off—en français, s’il vous plaît.
Laissez-faire
Shadow-market practice of buying fake followers to inflate clout—blasphemy against genuine engagement.
Click-farm fraud (bot followers)
Hubbard’s 1950 bestseller that lays the groundwork for “auditing.”
Dianetics
In LDS heaven there are three “degrees of glory.” Name the middle kingdom, symbolized by the moon, for souls who were good—but not that good.
Terrestrial Kingdom
Position that human knowledge must be evidence-based, from the Greek for “without knowledge."
Agnosticism
Doctrine that prices emerge naturally from buyers and sellers. “Halle-lu-supply-jah!”
Supply and Demand
Hashtag-fuelled crusade where fans defend their chosen influencer en masse—the militant wing of fandom known as ___ culture.
Stan culture