NVC Basics
What are the four components of NVC?
Observation, Feeling, Need, Request
“I feel like nobody cares.”
Thought (disguised as a feeling)
You feel lonely. What need might be unmet?
Connection or belonging
“You’re selfish. You never think about me.”
Missing: Observation (too much judgment)
In Finding Nemo, Marlin constantly tells Nemo not to do things. What need is Marlin trying to meet?
Safety and protection
What is the goal of NVC?
To create connection through empathy and honest expression
“I feel sad.”
Feeling
You feel overwhelmed at work. What need might be unmet?
Support or balance
“I’m angry.”
Need and Request
In Encanto, Bruno avoids the family because they don’t accept him. What need is unmet?
Acceptance or belonging
True or False: NVC is about being nice.
False! It’s about being authentic while staying connected.
“I feel that you did it on purpose.”
Thought (interpretation)
You feel proud after finishing a project. What need was met?
Competence or accomplishment
“I need you to stop being annoying.”
Missing: Clear feeling and specific observation
In The Office, when Michael says, “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me,” what need is underneath the joke?
To be valued and loved
What does NVC say we should avoid when stating observations?
Judgments, evaluations, or blame
“I feel nervous and unsure.”
Feeling
You feel anxious when someone doesn’t text back. What need might be unmet?
Reassurance, clarity, or communication
“When you didn’t call, I felt hurt.”
Missing: Need and Request
In Euphoria, Rue yells, “You don’t f***ing care about me!” What NVC piece is missing?
Observation and Need
What’s the difference between a request and a demand in NVC?
A request invites choice; a demand implies punishment for saying no.
“I feel you don’t respect me.”
Thought (not a pure emotion)
You feel angry when a friend cancels last minute. What need might be unmet?
Reliability or consideration
“Would you stop doing that already?”
Missing: Observation, feeling, need (this is a demand)
In Stranger Things, Eleven lashes out with her powers when she feels cornered. What might she be needing?
Control, understanding, or protection