Name that Option
“No, I'm not sharing my password.”
Direct no
The answer is definite and doesn't require an explanation.
You're unsure whether you can help someone and want more information before deciding. Which intensity?
6: No, with room to reconsider
You decline for now but remain open to relevant information.
A friend asks to copy your homework. Give a clear refusal.
Example: “No, I'm not sharing my answers.”
A brief, direct no is enough.
True or false: A firm no has to be loud or aggressive.
False
Intensity means how willing you are to change your answer, not how harshly you speak.
Which OPTIONS factor asks, “Do I actually have the time, energy, or resources?”
Capability
“I can't call tonight. I need to finish something.”
No with a brief reason
Gives context without overexplaining.
You don't mind switching seats, even though you'd prefer to stay where you are. Which intensity range fits?
1–5: More flexible
You are willing to go along with the request.
A family member asks for a favor, but you already have plans. Give a brief reason.
Example: “I can't today. I already have something scheduled.”
You can communicate your limits without inventing an excuse.
A friend says, “I helped you last week, so you owe me your password.” What is wrong with this reasoning?
A favor does not entitle someone to violate your privacy or boundaries.
Which factor asks, “Does agreeing fit my values?”
Self-respect
“I can't hang out tonight, but I'm available Saturday.”
No with an alternative
Offers another option because the person genuinely wants to.
A friend keeps asking for your password. Which intensity range fits?
7–8: Hold your position
A clear no that resists pressure to change your answer.
A friend wants to hang out tonight, but you would rather meet another day. Offer an alternative.
Example: “Not tonight, but I'd like to hang out this weekend.”
Someone says, “But you said yes last time!” Does that mean you must say yes again?
No.
Past agreement doesn't remove your right to make a different decision now.
Which factor asks whether saying yes now could create a bigger problem later?
Long-term vs. short-term goals
“Let me check my schedule before I commit.”
Ask for time
Creates space to decide rather than automatically agreeing.
A friend pressures you to skip treatment. You will not agree, regardless of how much they insist. Which intensity?
10: Do not do it
A firm refusal with no willingness to agree to the request.
Someone asks you to commit to an event, but you aren't sure whether you can attend. Respond without agreeing immediately.
Example: “Let me think about it and get back to you.”
Asking for time can prevent automatic yeses.
A friend says, “If you cared about me, you'd skip therapy.” What is the pressure tactic?
Guilt or emotional pressure.
A relationship does not require abandoning health-related priorities.
Which factor considers whether you're consistently giving more than the other person?
Give and take
“I hear you, but I'm still not doing that.”
Repeat the boundary
Restates the decision when someone continues pushing.
You can't do someone's entire group project, but you are willing to help with one section. Which intensity?
9: Stay firm and negotiate
Maintain your limit while discussing an acceptable arrangement.
Someone keeps making comments about your body after you've asked them to stop. Respond to the repeated boundary crossing.
Example: “I've asked you to stop commenting on my body. If it continues, I'm leaving this conversation.”
State the limit and identify a next step you control.
You have clearly said no, but someone continues pressuring you. What is one appropriate next step?
Repeat the boundary, end the interaction, or get support.
You don't have to continue arguing until someone accepts your answer.
Name three factors you could consider before deciding how firmly to say no (many possible answers).
Any three: capability, priorities, self-respect, rights, authority, relationship, long-term vs. short-term goals, give and take, homework/preparation, timing.