People-Pleasing
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing is when you do for others what you are unwilling to do for yourself, or do for others to the detriment or harm of yourself.
What is a boundary?
Boundaries are physical, mental, and emotional limits to protect us and others in a relationship.
What is a self-protective behavior?
a behavior that we use to protect ourselves in situations that we either feel unsure or unsafe
What is self-compassion?
treating ourselves kindly, having grace for ourselves, loving ourselves
What step 1 and 2 in boundary setting?
When does people-pleasing become a problem?
What are 3 types of boundaries?
Rigid, Porous, Healthy
What is an unhealthy self-protective behavior?
avoiding, hiding, blaming, judging, rationalizing, people-pleasing, and being paralyzed in the face of overwhelm (flight, fight, freeze, fawn)
What is a benefit of having compassion for self?
1. Reduced stress
2. Improve emotional resilience
3. Increased overall well being
What is step 3 and 4 in boundary setting?
Communicate the consequence and follow-through with the consequence
Name 3 examples of people-pleasing.
doing something even when you don't want to, using your own resources for others, saying yes even when you are uncomfortable.
Why are boundaries important?
They protect us, they keep us safe, they help facilitate healthy relationships.
boundary setting, self-care, finding support, therapy
Name 3 ways to show yourself compassion.
1. Giving yourself grace/understanding in hard situations.
2. Mindfulness
3. Affirmations/Self-Care
4. Boundary Setting
Assertive.
How does People-Pleasing protect you?
It can keep you safe, make you feel useful/wanted/needed, less focus on yourself.
What are some uncomfortable feelings that might come up when setting boundaries?
guilt, fear, being unsure, feeling like a bad person.
True or False: Engaging in self-protective behaviors is selfish.
What are some barriers to self-compassion?
Negative self-beliefs, unhealthy relationships, and fear
True of False - Boundaries are always communicated verbally.
False - boundaries can be non-verbally communicated.
What are 2 ways to protect yourself from people-pleasing?
Boundary Setting, Self-Compassion, Community Support
How do boundaries and people-pleasing connect?
Boundaries can help with people-pleasing and by people-pleasing you are not listening to your boundaries.
Example: Saying yes when you want to say no.
Example: Valuing other people's feelings/opinions over your own.
Self-Protective Behavior:
Remember that you can say no while still expressing care. If someone has an issue with you saying no, they may struggle with boundaries themselves–that’s not your fault.
Are you fundamentally less of a human than this other person? No? So why don’t your feelings matter as much?
How can self-compassion be used to combat people-pleasing?
Give one example of a verbal boundary and one example of a non-verbal boundary.
1. "No, I do not feel comfortable with the way you are speaking with me. If you continue, I will leave."
2. Stepping back when someone is in your personal space.