Definitions
Zones of Comfort
Consent
Respect
100
What are personal boundaries?
Boundaries are rules that people create to keep themselves safe.
They protect us and include all of the safe ways that people can behave around us.
They also tell us what we can and cannot do to other people.
100
How many zones are there?
There are 5 zones!
(The inner circle is you)
100
What does consent mean?
It means to give permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
100
What can we say to somebody when we accidentally cross their boundaries?
Ex. Your friend tells you that they don't like it when you hug them or hold their hand without asking.
"I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."
"I won't do it again."
"Thanks for letting me know"
200
What are physical boundaries?
They include our personal space, privacy, and body.
It also refers to how comfortable we are with people being close to us and rules about who can come into our personal bubble.
200
Who belongs in the blue zone?
Trusted family members and close friends.
Whoever belongs in your blue zone will be different from other people!
200
Who should we use consent with?
Everybody!
Everybody's boundaries are different, and we need to communicate with other people to understand their rules and to set our own.
We must ask for permission even with our trusted friends and family members*
200
Fill in the sentences:
Consent sounds like...
Consent looks like...
Consent feels like...
Consent sounds like:
"YES!"
"That sounds good with me"
Consent looks like:
The person is confident, enthusiastic, and certain when they give their "yes."
Consent feels like:
Good, happy, satisfied. You were not pressured or bullied into saying "yes."
300
TRUE or FALSE
Everybody has the same rules about who can enter their personal bubble.
FALSE!
Everybody has their own personal boundaries that we must respect.
300
TRUE or FALSE
Your best friend is somebody who you are comfortable with having close to you. Since she is in your blue zone, it is okay to hug her.
FALSE!
Just because you're comfortable around her and like hugs, doesn't mean that your friend is on the same page! She may also feel comfortable with you, but not like being hugged.
300
TRUE or FALSE
Consent should we clear, enthusiastic, and certain.
TRUE!
Sometimes we are scared to say no and give an uncertain response instead.
300
Can your close friends be pressuring you into saying "yes" to something?
Is this okay? What can you do?
Yes, your friends can pressure you into making a decision that you don't want to make. This DOES NOT make it okay!
You can:
Tell your friend to stop and explain why it's not okay or ask for help from a trusted adult.
400
TRUE or FALSE
Emotional boundaries allow us to take responsibility over our own feelings and separate our emotions from somebody else's.
True!
Emotional boundaries are important because they help us be our own person. We do not always need to think or feel the same things as our friends.
400
What is acceptable to do with people who are NOT in your blue or green zones?
a.) Wave and say "hi"
b.) Hug and hold hands
c.) Talk about your personal issues
d.) Give your phone number and address
a.) Wave and say "hi"
Boundaries keep us safe. The things we do with others should only be done when you know that you can trust them and if they are okay with it.
BONUS: should we trust somebody with our secrets or allow them into our personal space just because somebody else says it's okay to?
400
Sometimes, we may be scared to say "no," especially when a family member, close friend, or somebody that we want to like us asks us a question. However, we may find ourselves in situations where we are asked to say or do something that we know isn't right and could get us into trouble.
What is an example of an uncertain response? What does an uncertain "yes..." look like?
"sure..."
"I don't know..."
"I guess so..."
The person giving the uncertain "yes" might look unhappy and uncomfortable.
400
Are we allowed to change our minds after we give our consent (after we say "yes" to something)?
Yes!
Consent should always be ongoing. We should be able to change our minds at any point.
500
Scenario:
Francine and Shelly are best friends. Francine occasionally hugs Shelly to show that she cares. At times, Shelly doesn't mind because they're best friends.
However, she starts to feel uncomfortable because it keeps happening and it happens when she doesn't feel like being hugged.
Shelly doesn't know what to do and thinks she'll hurt their friendship by telling Francine she doesn't want to be hugged all the time.
Should she feel guilty or scared to tell Francine? What can she say?
No! Everybody has different levels of comfortability.
She can say:
"No, I don't want to be hugged right now."
"I don't like that you're in my space right now. Could you take a step back?"
"I'm not somebody that usually likes being hugged all the time. It's nothing personal."
500
Who can help you if somebody is crossing your boundaries?
You can ask for help from a trusted adult.
Sometimes, we need help with setting boundaries. We may need help with setting boundaries with certain people or in certain situations.
500
Scenario:
Chris and Petra were playing a game of tag during recess. When Petra tagged Chris, she accidentally pushed him instead. The students laughed it off and continued their game.
Petra thought she would continue the joke and pushed Chris when it was her turn again. Chris shrugged it off but started to feel a bit uncomfortable.
Petra did it again and when Chris asked her to stop, Petra said, "it was a joke! You were okay with it the first time, so why is it a problem now?"
Why did Chris allow it to happen the first and second time? Should he be allowed to change his mind? What can he say to Petra?
He allowed it to happen the first few times and that he didn't have to take it seriously because Petra didn't mean any harm.
Chris's feelings about the situation changed and he is responsible for communicating his boundaries. Petra is responsible for being respectful and listening to her friend's boundaries.
Consent is ongoing. Just because we say "yes" to one thing, it does not mean we say "yes" to other things or that our "yes" will stay as a "yes."
Chris can say:
"I know it was a joke at first but now I am not okay with it happening again."
"I don't think it's funny anymore. Can we still play but without the pushing?"
500
Scenario:
Caleb and Troy often play soccer and work on school assignments together. Troy and Caleb sometimes like to tease each other and it's usually not a problem.
Caleb is having a bad week and starts to feel upset when Troy starts teasing him. When Caleb tells him to stop, Troy gets angry and refuses to apologize. Troy tells the teacher that he doesn't understand why Caleb is getting upset now when they always tease each other.
Why is Caleb bothered now even though he's usually okay?
Is Caleb responsible for Troy's anger?
Who can Caleb say to Troy?
Caleb is having a bad week. He may be dealing with his own personal problems.
Caleb is NOT responsible for Troy's reaction to the boundary he is setting. He is only responsible for communicating his boundary in a respectful way.
Caleb can tell Troy that he is having a bad day, and he does not have to explain why.