Pure Random

Chocolate

100

One fine sunny day, the crew of the Wooden Whale were eating their barley broth and oatcakes.

On that same day in a totally different world you were sitting on the couch eating a bagel.

200

You are peacefully contemplating the butter upon which your bagel was spread (or is it the other way round?) until Mr. Bonaparte comes in.

Yep, the great Napoleon himself. He points his sword at you and says, "Surrender or die!"

300

Choices: 1. run (go to is 100) 2. grab your handy-dandy sword and say "On guard!" (go to a 100) 3. Ask him why he's speaking English (go to joy 100) 4. surrender (go to forever 100)

There is not a correct response for this question.

400

The squid swims along until it reaches its home. It dumps you on the floor and studies you. You close your eyes and feel panicky.

Eventually you feel a huge slam on your back and you find yourself sinking to the bottom of the ocean floor. Go to is 300

500

You awake to find yourself back on the couch, completely soaked and holding a soggy bagel. You wonder what on earth just happened and go into your room and dry off.

The End (for now)

Is

100

You make a dash for the door. Unfortunately, his guards are standing there. They close in on you. You are scared.

Choices: 1. surrender (go to forever 100) 2. ask Napoleon why he speaks English (go to joy 100)

200

The squid tries to feed you to its shark. The shark rejects you because you are not an armadillo or an aardvark (I hope) and you keep on sinking because the squid did not bother to pick you back up.

Continue.

300

You are still tied up and you hit the ocean floor. A strange man with ruddy brown hair and eyes the color of the ocean around you comes up to you. The water seems to move and unties the ropes, and the man looks at you and says...

"Welcome to my 'locker'. I am Davy Jones."

400

Choices: 1.Scream. Continue. 2. Pass out. Go to chocolate 500 3. Ask for his autograph. Go to a 400. 4. Do nothing and await your doom. go to a 500

Davy Jones ignores your scream. Go back to the box above this.

500

Well um, I guess I didn't have enough stuff to go in this box.

Have a nice day!

A

100

Napoleon whips out his sword and takes a swing. You duel.

If Napoleon won, go to forever 100. If Napoleon's swordfighting got rusty during the past few hundred years, continue.

200

You force Napoleon to surrender and suddenly you control the entire French army. You are astounded and very confused.

Then the US government takes away 2/3 of your army in taxes.

300

Now you are in control of a third of France's army. You decide to send them back home to France, install a democracy, and you establish peace in France.

You are on your way home when the plane you are in turns into a pirate ship and you find a cutlass pointing at you. Go to forever 200.

400

He smiles at you and says, "I'm afraid I don't know how to write."

You look dissapointed.

500

"Let me show you around." He shows you the kelp and seaweed fields tended by bones, he shows you the undersea playground of dolphins, and many other wonders until you reach the grand finale...

Atlantis! You relax in the city of mermaids and eventually you fall asleep. Go to chocolate 500

Joy

100

"Why are you speaking English?"

"You tend to pick up a lot during a few hundred years. But that's beside the point. Surrender or die!"

200

You just happen to remember some of your French lessons and you say, "Vous etes mort! Aie!!!" Napoleon looks at you and says, "Vous etes francais(e)?"

before you have a chance to answer he ties you up and calls you a traitor.

300

You get sent to France and put in prison. You stay there for a few hours until Steddy comes along, steals the keys, and frees you.

You, being dressed as an American, slipped out and pretended to be a tourist. Steddy went and robbed a bank and gave you the money to buy a plane ticket. However, you did not know where he got the money.

400

When you try to buy a plane ticket you are arrested for robbery and get put back in jail. Steddy frees you again and you wonder how you are going to get home.

You are walking along the seashore when you get captured by pirates! You are thrown in the brig and when you are two weeks out at sea...

500

You discover you were mistaken for a pirate and are mad to walk the plank, tied up.

Go to forever 400

Forever

100

"Ah! You surrendarrrrrrrr..." Napoleon turns into a pirate and points his cutlass at you. "Where be me treasure, matey?"

You stare in shock, seeing as you had just witnessed Napoleon turn into a pirate.He prods you with his hook. "I asked ye a question! Now answer or ye die!"

200

"WHERE BE ME TREASURE!?!" the pirate shouts.

You ask, "What treasure?" he says, "The treasure ye stole!" "I didn't steal your treasure" "YES YA DID! I saw it wi' my own two eyes! Admit it, Gilbert, yew stole my treasure!" You look confused and say, "Gilbert? I'm not Gilbert."

300

The pirates laugh. "Yew steal Roger's treasure and fake idiosy! HAHAHA!" They come towards you with ropes. As you try to defend yourself, you notice your sleeves are pirate sleeves. You gasp. You look like a pirate!

You freeze with shock and the pirates tie you up and throw you overboard.

400

You find yourself sinking down, down, down...

and get caught in a giant squid's tentacle.

500

You get pulled along until the squid notices you. It stares at you with a huge eye and makes a very squiddish noise. You pass out from fear (not lack of oxygen, oxygen is not important right now).

Does the squid: 1. Leave you on its tentacle and keep swimming (Go to chocolate 400) 2. Shake you from its tentacle and let you keep sinking (go to is 300) 3. Try to feed you to its pet shark (go to is 200)