Redneck Moments in the Bible
This guy was born out of wedlock and into a barn.
Jesus
This lad, despite his outward appearance, promised to "keep the inn clean".
Pig Pen
This hairy hick, who eventually saved Christmas, was described as an "appalling dump heap"
The Grinch
His true love gave him this on the Redneck first day of Christmas.
A Beer
The city of Chandler, Arizona builds a giant tree out of this local plant.
Tumbleweeds
He shacked up with a Philistine hussey after he beat to death several guys for nice clothes when he lost a bet at his own wrecked wedding.
Samson
This was the deal the mayor of South Town made to give Santa a Christmas break.
Snow in South Town
This is how Earnest P. Worrell snuck Santa onto the movie set.
Under a tarp in his truck bed full of snakes.
This comedic singer/songwriter wrote and performed the 1997 Redneck Christmas.
Ray Stevens
This town in Florida is perpetually decked in holiday cheer.
Christmas
This man was living up in a cave, got liquored up by daughters, and then ended up being a grand-daddy-daddy-uncle.
Lot
Clark's kidnapped boss
Yukon Cornelius' final act of bravery with the Bumble.
Reformed him
The incriminating evidence that could link Santa to the hit and run of dear Grandma.
Hoof prints and Claus marks
In Newport, Kentucky, BRICKmas is celebrated by creating large displays of this favorite plastic building material.
LEGO
David killed 300 Philistines and presented their foreskins for the hand of this woman.
Michal, daughter of Saul
This was the gift from the wisemen, aka the Herndon kids, to the baby Jesus in the Best Christmas Pageant Ever.
A ham
A skinny, ragged grampy, in the classic 1930's cartoon, Christmas Comes But Once A Year, brought Christmas joy to a penniless orphanage by doing this with humble household items.
Making toys
In the 1950's Bing Crosby story, made for radio, young Jethro wished for these 3 gifts, fit for a pioneer lad.
An Axe, an Apple, and a Buckskin Jacket
On Christmas Eve, in Lousiana, citizens light bonfires along this famous river to make sure "Papa Noel" doesn't get lost.
Mississippi River
These are the names of Jacob's kids he had with 4 baby-mamas.
Reuban, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph, Benjamin
Dinah
This 1977 hee-haw Muppet tale follows a musical tale in a country river community.
Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas
The man in red saved the planet from space invaders in this 1964 film.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
In his 1975 album, A Rocky Mountain Christmas, John Denver implored a family member to do this.
Please, Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
Many Minnesotans enjoy this Scandinavian delicacy of codfish preserved in lye during the holidays.
Lutefisk