DEAR MAN
The "D" in DEAR MAN, which means to focus on behaviors using facts instead of blaming or name calling language
Describe
The "I" in GIVE, which is when we show others we're paying attention.
acting Interested
The "F" in FAST
Fair
Amy: You just don't want me to be happy. You've never tried to help me when I need it. Rachel: That's because you're irresponsible!
What role is Amy?
Victim
The "D" in DBT, which means two opposing things being true at once
Dialectic
The "M" in DEAR MAN, which is a foundational component of DBT and something we should always be doing.
Mindful
We use GIVE when we want to prioritize this.
The relationship
We use FAST when we want to prioritize this.
Our self-respect
When exiting out of the drama triangle, the persecutor becomes this.
Challenger
This is what an 8/10 in intensity sounds like when saying no to something.
Say no firmly; resist saying yes. EXAMPLE
The "E" and "A" in DEAR MAN (give an example of one)
Express/Emotion and Assert
The "G" and "E" in GIVE (provide an example of at least one)
Gentle and Easy Manner
The "A" and "S" in FAST (provide an example of one)
No Apologies and Stick to Values
When exiting out of the drama triangle, the rescuer becomes this.
Coach or Mentor
when you stop, take a step back, observe, and then proceed mindfully
STOP skill
The "R" and "N" in DEAR MAN (state an example of at least one)
Reinforce and Negotiate
The "V" in GIVE (provide an example)
Validation
The "T" in FAST
Be Truthful
When exiting out of the triangle, victims become this.
Survivor or Creator
Validate this statement by guessing at an emotion: I just don't know what to do. I'm about to be kicked out of my home because I'm so behind on the rent. And I cannot go back to work because I've got to do IOP for my probation.
You must feel worried/scared/overwhelmed/helpless.
Example
Validate this statement with an empathic response: I just don't know what to do. I'm about to be kicked out of my home because I'm so behind on the rent. And I cannot go back to work because I've got to do IOP for my probation.
examples
Your ex keeps texting you hateful things. How would you use FAST to communicate your needs?
Example
When moving from persecutor to challenger, you use this skill to communicate that you want to see a change in someone's behavior.
DEAR MAN or setting clear boundaries
lowing your temperature, engaging in intense exercise, practicing paced breathing or progressive muscle relaxation