Funny
Why did I go golfing with two pairs of pants on?
Just in case I get a hole in 1.
Spelled forwards I'm what you do every day, spelled backward I'm something you hate. What am I?
LIVE/EVIL
The more you have of it, the less you see
DARKNESS
What is white when it's dirty?
a blackboard
Mr. Red lives in the red house. Mr. Blue lives in the blue house. Mrs. Pink lives in the pink house. Who lives in the white house?
PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN
What is never hungry during Thanksgiving?
A stuffed turkey
I come from a mine and get surrounded by wood. Everyone uses me to write and draw, what am I?
pencil
When I take five and add six, I get eleven, but when I take six and add seven, I get one. What am I?
CLOCK
What question can you never honestly say yes to?
Are you asleep? / Are you sleeping?
If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you won't have me. What am I?
A SECRET
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
She likes to rock and roll.
What has a ring but no finger?
a telephone
A rooster lays an egg on the roof of a barn. Which way does the egg roll?
IT doesn’t, roosters don’t lay eggs.
What belongs to you but other people use it more than you do?
YOUR NAME
Kate’s mother has three children: Snap, Crackle and ___?
Kate!
There is an apple tree on a cliff. If the wind is blowing 15mph to the west, where would the apple fall?
DOWN
Sometimes it is short, sometimes it is long and it always stuck to you and scared of the dark. What is it?
SHADOW
A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opens the door to find a man whom she has never seen before. The man says "oh I'm sorry, I thought this was my room." He then goes down the hallway and takes the elevator. The woman goes back into her room and phones security. Why?
Because you don't knock on the door of your room.
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
YOUR BREATH
I'm tall when I'm young and short when I'm old. What am I?
A CANDLE
What gives you the strength and power to walk through walls?
DOORS
Those who have it least don't know that they have it. Those who have it most wish they had less of it. Those who don't have it at all are dead. What is it?
AGE
A bus driver goes the wrong way on a one way street. He passes the cops but they don't stop him. Why?
Because he was walking.
What is the safest room to be in during a zombie apocalypse?
The LIVING ROOM
I start with M, end with X, and have never ending amount of letters. What am I?
MAILBOX