Sports
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she is always running away from the ball
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
When will water stop running down hill?
When it reaches the bottom.
Which rock singer really, REALLY needs a shower?
Mud-donna
I'm tall when I'm young and I'm short when I'm old. What am I?
A candle.
How did the baseball fan know before the game that the score would be 0-0?
The score is always 0-0 before a game
What’s full of holes but still holds water?
A sponge
Why was the picture sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Where do cows go to dance?
The meatball.
What is at the end of rainbow?
The letter W
What sport has four letters, is played all around the world, and begins with a T?
Golf
What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, but never in a thousand years?
The letter M
How do you make a strawberry shake?
Tell it a scary story!
how do vampires like their food served?
In bite-size pieces.
How do dog catchers get paid?
By the pound.
What do you call a pig that plays basketball?
A ball hog
I am free for the taking through all of your life,
Though given but once at birth.
I am less than nothing in weight,
But will fell the strongest of you if held.
Breath
What can point in every direction but can't reach the direction by itself?
Your finger
How does a robot shave?
With a razor blade.
What invention might you look right through a wall?
Why did the basketball player go to jail?
Because he shot the ball
A girl was attending her mother's funeral where she met a man.
She was very intrigued by the man and was interested in getting to know him.
As she was making her rounds she realized she had not gotten the man's name or number. Later, when she went to find him, he had already left.
A week later, she murdered her older brother to find the man.
Why?
So the man would attend the funeral again.
What hired killer never goes to jail?
An exterminator
What is that which never uses its teeth for eating purposes?
A comb.
I am an odd number. Take away one letter and I become a even. What number am I?
Seven.