A man calls his dog from the opposite side of the river. The dog crosses the river without getting wet, and without using a bridge or boat. How?
The river froze over.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was two tired
How many chocolates can you eat if your stomach is empty?
One. After one, your stomach is not empty.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey!
One winter day, there was a man standing in the middle of someone’s front yard. The person stayed there for several weeks without moving and the owner of the yard didn’t mind. Eventually the man left. Who was he?
A snowman
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie into it!
What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plane bagel
There were three men swimming in the sea. When the coastguard called them into the beach, only two of the men had wet hair. Why?
The third man was bald
Where do mice park their boats?
At Hickory Dickory Dock
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lack toes
Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them
Erin has a husband and a lover. Both of them don’t give her money but buy expensive jewelry for her but Erin always has a lot of cash and both men see her wearing the jewelry.
Where does she get the money?
She asks them to buy her the same pieces of jewelry and takes one set to the store and sell them.
Why did the photo go to jail?
What asks but never answers?
An owl
What do lawyers wear to work?
Lawsuits
A man fell off of a 100-foot ladder, but he didn’t get hurt. How is this possible?
He fell off of the first step
What do you call a belt made of $50 bills?
A waist of money
I am a rock group with 4 members, all dead and one assassinated. What am I?
Mt. Rushmore
What time did the man with a cavity go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty