The core idea that marriage’s chief job is to make spouses more like this, rather than just make them happier.
What is holy or holiness?
Name one small habit this week that could help you grow in that direction.
According to the theme, conflict often exposes these internal problems like pride or control
What are character issues (or idols/selfishness)?
Which pattern typically shows up first for you in conflict?
The simplest way to turn down resentment and build love is to choose this kind of action toward your spouse
What is voluntary service (or acts of service).
List one practical service you can perform this evening
A short, regular shared activity recommended to build spiritual connection between spouses
What is prayer together (or short devotions)
Decide on a two-minute prayer time to try tonight
The public promise couples make that matters because it holds them through times when marriage ______
What is gets hard?
What one boundary protects your marriage covenant?
Instead of “find the right person,” Christianity calls you to become this
What is... become the right person?
What character trait would you work on to become “the right person”
Thomas argues struggles are not signs of failure but opportunities for this kind of personal development
What is growth or sanctification
Tell a brief example where a past conflict helped you grow
The attitude that fuels contempt is usually born from these unmet ideas about how your spouse should behave
What are expectations
Replace a complaint with one expression of gratitude today
When hurt occurs, the key practice that restores relationship by releasing bitterness is this
What is forgiveness
What is something you've had to ask for forgiveness for in your marriage?
The book highlights that intimacy must be built on mature love rather than this romantic but unstable force
What is romanticism (or romantic idealism)
Name one habit that creates durable intimacy beyond romance
When marriage is treated like a product that must deliver comfort and pleasure, it’s called a ______ view versus a God-centered view.
What is a man-centered or consumer view?
Where have you treated marriage like a consumer product?
The metaphor used: God refines people by having them go through troubles, not by keeping them ______
What is around troubles (or avoiding troubles)
How might you reframe a current difficulty as refining rather than punishing
The book says giving this to your spouse is an obligation of maturity rather than a favor
What is respect?
Name one specific way to show active honor this week
The habit of naming small daily blessings and saying thanks is a practice that creates this in the marriage
What is gratitude (or thankfulness)
Name one thing you appreciated about your spouse today.
One of Augustine’s listed benefits of marriage emphasized as essential is this promise-like quality that makes marriage indissoluble
What is sacramentality or indissolubility (the sacrament)
How does viewing marriage as a sacrament change your commitments?
The book compares marriage to this kind of spiritual activity that requires repeated practice and discipline.
What is a spiritual discipline?
Which relational practice in your marriage could be framed as a discipline?
A practical skill recommended in conflict: prioritize understanding your spouse over trying to be ______
What is understood (or making yourself understood)
Practice: for 48 hours, ask one clarifying question before defending
Thomas uses a boxing metaphor to describe people who avoid serious struggle and only take easy challenges; this behavior he calls ______
What is coasting (or dodging serious contenders)
Where might you be “coasting” in marriage and why
The practice that consistently surfaces motives, calls for confession, and prevents hidden idols from ruling is this spiritual discipline
What is self-examination or confession
Spend five minutes listing one motive you want to surrender and pray about
Thomas warns that loving God will be hard if we cannot love this person who has breath and flaws
Who is your spouse?
Identify one habitual reaction to your spouse you’d like to replace with patience.
The suggested response when marriage brings dissatisfaction is not to leave but to change this first
What is yourself (or change yourself)?
Identify one personal change you could try before asking for change from your spouse
The book equates the willingness to persist in right choices—even when tempted otherwise—with this kind of righteousness
What is persistent righteousness or enduring righteousness
Name one small, persistent choice you will commit to for the next month.
Choosing another’s good over your immediate comfort imitates the love of this person
Who is Jesus (or Christlike love)
Describe one sacrificial choice you can make that points to that love
Thomas says obedience to God creates this quieter long-term state, more dependable than mood-based happiness
What is quiet fulfillment (or spiritual satisfaction)
How does obedience feel different than pursuit of pleasure in your marriage?
The deep marital practice that expresses esteem publicly, affirms gifts, and declares appreciation is called active ______
What is honor?
Plan one way to honor your spouse this week