RED FLAG OR SCHEMA?
Your partner takes 45 minutes to text back. You have already decided the relationship is over. You text them back telling them "I HAD ENOUGH... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... Don't you know I've always struggled with wounds of... _____________"
Abandonment
Someone gives you constructive criticism. Your brain hears:
A. Useful feedback
B. “I am the worst person who has ever existed.”
B — Defectiveness/Shame
Finish the Vulnerable Child sentence:
“Please don't ______.”
Leave me / hurt me / reject me / forget me.
Bad day → “I deserve ONE drink.”
What might be driving the urge?
Avoidance / emotional escape
Your brain says, “Everybody hates me.” You have 10 seconds to argue with it. GO.
** ACT IT OUT **
Someone asks you if you want to hangout and be best friends and your immediate thought is, “Okay, what do they want? They think I'd want to be their friend...look at what people have done when they are my friend!!"
Mistrust/Abuse
Your friend seems annoyed. You immediately start apologizing even though you don't know what you did.
Subjugation / Approval-Seeking
Your Angry Child gets cut off in traffic. Give us the internal monologue.
" ______________________"
Fight with partner → disappear for three days → ignore everyone → pretend nothing happened. I am being ______________ of myself.
Detached Protector: Protective PART
Give me a boundary without apologizing.
They cannot use “sorry,” “maybe,” “if that's okay,” or “I don't mean to be rude.”
You tell yourself: I think I'd rather just struggle for 6 full hours without asking anyone for help.
Dependence/Incompetence OR Mistrust depending on the reason
Someone says, “I need some space.” Your nervous system hears:
“YOU'RE LEAVING ME.” — Abandonment
Your Punitive Parent discovers you made ONE mistake at work. What does it say?
“You're stupid.”
“You always screw everything up.”
“Everyone's going to know you're incompetent.”
"Nobody can reject me if I reject them first.”
Overcompensation / schema-driven protection
Turn this Punitive Parent statement into Healthy Adult- "You're a complete screw up."
Example: “I screwed something up. That doesn't make me a screw-up.”
Your boss says, “Can I talk to you?” and you've already mentally packed your desk.
Failure / Defectiveness / Abandonment depending on interpretation
You don't try because failing would prove the thing you already secretly believe about yourself. This has to do with you fear of ___________.
Failure schema
Someone rejects you. Give me Vulnerable Child's response AND Healthy Adult's response.
Play BOTH characters.
You're lonely, angry, ashamed, and craving. Which problem does using actually solve?
The immediate feeling—not the underlying need.
“If you loved me, you'd do it.”
Respond WITHOUT:
→ Best Healthy Adult response wins.
You're dating the human equivalent of a dumpster fire, but being treated badly somehow feels more comfortable than being treated well. Why?
Schema surrender / repetition of familiar relational patterns
Why can chaos sometimes feel safer than stability?
Because familiar ≠ healthy. Schemas can pull us toward situations that confirm what we already believe.
Your inner child is having a full meltdown. You cannot say “calm down,” “get over it,” or “it's fine.” Respond as Healthy Adult.
Group votes on best response.
RELAPSE DETECTIVE:
“I'm useless → nobody needs me → screw everybody → I'm getting high.” What is the CHAIN analysis here??
Hint: Schema → emotion →
_____________ → __________________.
Schema → emotion/mode → coping response → behavior
SCHEMA ROAST: Roast this statement-
Example-Abandonment: “Girl, he went to Walmart. He did not start a new life.”
Funniest therapeutically accurate roast gets $500.