Much Ado About Nothing
BEATRICE: In our last conflict, four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one, so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse, for it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonable creature.
"Last time we talked, he lost for of his five remaining brain cells/wits. If one isn't enough then let everyone know he's no different/more reasonable than his horse."
MARCELLUS: Horatio says ’tis but our fantasy
And will not let belief take hold of him Touching this dreaded sight twice seen of us.
Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night,
That, if again this apparition come, He may approve our eyes and speak to it
Marcellus: Yeah Horatio doesn't believe us. He thinks we made it up or something so I brought him with tonight. That way if the ghost appears again he can't say we're lying.
ROBIN: Captain of our fairy band, Helena is here at hand,
And the youth, mistook by me, Pleading for a lover’s fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Robin: Oh look guys, it's Helena! Oops I think I put the potion on the wrong one, they're gonna be in love the same when they wake up, whoops. How about we stick around and see what these stupid mortals get up to?
LORD MONTAGUE: Many a morning hath he there been seen,
With tears augmenting the fresh morning’s dew, Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs.
Lord Montague: He keeps sitting there in the morning with tears in his eyes. He's sighing so much he's making new clouds.
CELIA: I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.
ROSALIND: Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of, and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could teach me to forget a banished father, you must not learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.
Celia: Rosalind, my cousin, please be happy
Rosalind: Celia I am as happy as I can be, do you want me to be happier? My dad was banished, how happy do you expect me to be?
CONRADE: What the goodyear, my lord, why are you thus out of measure sad?
DON JOHN: There is no measure in the occasion that breeds. Therefore the sadness is without limit.
CONRADE: You should hear reason.
DON JOHN: And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?
CONRADE: If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.
Conrade: "What's wrong dude?"
Don John: "I am so freaking sad. Like infinitely sad."
Conrade: "You should hear reason."
Don John: "How is hearing the reason going to make me feel better?"
Conrade: "If it doesn't make it better, maybe it will at least make it worth it."
HAMLET: Then saw you not his face?
HORATIO: O, yes, my lord, he wore his beaver up.
HAMLET: What, looked he frowningly?
HORATIO: A countenance more in sorrow than in anger.
Hamlet: So you didn't see his face?
Horatio: Nah, his visor was up.
Hamlet: Did he look upset?
Horatio: He looked sad but not mad.
OBERON: A sweet Athenian lady is in love With a disdainful youth. Anoint his eyes,
But do it when the next thing he espies May be the lady. Thou shalt know the man
By the Athenian garments he hath on. Effect it with some care, that he may prove More fond on her than she upon her love.
Oberon: So this one girl from athens is in love with a guy who does not like her back. Put a potion on his eyes right before he sees her, so that he can start to like her back finally.
BENVOLIO: At this same ancient feast of Capulet’s Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so loves, With all the admirèd beauties of Verona.
Go thither, and with unattainted eye Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.
Benvolio: Oh you think Rosaline is pretty now, but I dare you to go sneak into a Capulet's dinner and see all the prettiest girls in Verona. Compare them to Rosaline, and you'll think she looks more like a crow than a swan.
CELIA: Come, come, wrestle with thy affections.
ROSALIND: O, they take the part of a better wrestler than myself.
Celia: You're fighting off your feelings.
Rosalind: Well I'm trying, but the feelings are winning the fight.
BENEDIC: In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to me in the orchard.
BOY: I am here already, sir.
BENEDIC: I know that, but I would have thee hence and here again.
Benedic: "Go get my book from my room and bring it back to me here in the orchard."
Boy: "But I'm already here."
Benedic: "I know, just go get it and then bring it back."
LAERTES: His greatness weighed, his will is not his own, For he himself is subject to his birth.
He may not, as unvalued persons do, Carve for himself, for on his choice depends The safety and the health of this whole state.
Laertes: He doesn't really get a choice, he's the prince.
He can't really pick based on what he wants, all his choices affect the entire country.
DEMITRIUS: Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit, For I am sick when I do look on thee.
HELENA: And I am sick when I look not on you.
Demetrius: Don't make me mad, you make me sick to look at.
Helena: It makes me sick to NOT be looking at you!
MERCUTIO: Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance.
ROMEO: Not I, believe me. You have dancing shoes
With nimble soles. I have a soul of lead
So stakes me to the ground I cannot move.
Mercutio: Romeo, you have to dance.
Romeo: No dude I suck at dancing. My shoes might as well be made of lead.
DUKE SENIOR: Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile, Hath not old custom made this life more sweet Than that of painted pomp? Are not these woods More free from peril than the envious court?
Duke Senior: Now, my fellow banished people, isn't this forest great? Actually I think the forest is better than being rich in an envious, painted court.
HERO: (Aside to Ursula) Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.—
(They go near Beatrice)
No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful. I know her spirits are as coy and wild As haggards of the rock.
URSULA: But are you sure That Benedic loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO: So says the Prince and my new-trothèd lord.
Hero: So we're gonna go where she can hear us and then we're going to make up a story that she'll overhear.
(they go near beatrice)
No really Ursula, she's too picky. She's all coy and prickly.
Ursula: But are you sure that Benedic has a crush on her?
Hero: Yeah, the prince and my fiance both said so.
POLONIUS: Beware Of entrance to a quarrel, but, being in,
Bear ’t that th’ opposèd may beware of thee. Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Polonius: Be wary of people trying to start an argument but if you're in one, make sure they are wary of you. Listen to what they say but don't speak. Take in opinions but hold off on making judgements.
ROBIN: I am that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to Oberon and make him smile
When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, Neighing in likeness of a filly foal
Robin: I am the jester/clown/funnyguy/whatever
I make jokes to make Oberon/the king laugh, and when I see a fat horse, I neigh!
NURSE: His name is Romeo, and a Montague, The only son of your great enemy.
JULIET: My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me That I must love a loathèd enemy.
Nurse: Romeo is the son of the family we hate. He's your enemy.
Juliet: I wish I had known that BEFORE I fell in love with him!
CELIA: I pray you bear with me. I can go no further.
TOUCHSTONE: For my part, I had rather bear with you than bear you. Yet I should bear no cross if I did bear you, for I think you have no money in your purse.
Celia: Stay with me, I can't go any farther.
Touchstone: I'd rather stay with you than carry you. You don't look like you can pay me enough to carry you.
BEATRICE: And Benedic, love on; I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band.
Beatrice: I love you too Benedic, you've tamed my heart and make me kind in your love. I will marry you.
KING: Welcome, dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.
Moreover that we much did long to see you,
The need we have to use you did provoke
Our hasty sending.
King: Welcome Rosencrantz and Guildenstern! We are very happy to see you, we just wish we didn't have such a need to send for you so quickly.
QUINCE: Flute, you must take Thisbe on you.
FLUTE: What is Thisbe—a wand’ring knight?
QUINCE: It is the lady that Pyramus must love.
FLUTE: Nay, faith, let not me play a woman. I have a beard coming.
QUINCE: That’s all one. You shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will.
Quince: Flute, you're playing Thisbe
Flute: Is Thisbe like a knight or something?
Quince: No, it's the girl Pyramus is in love with
Flue: No way I'm not playing a girl, I have a beart coming in!
Quince: You have one beard hair. You'll be in a mask and talk in a high pitched voice.
JULIET: My ears have yet not drunk a hundred words Of thy tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound.
Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague?
ROMEO: Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike.
Juliet: I've only heard you speak a little bit but I know your voice, is that Romeo? The Montague?
Romeo: If you don't like either of those things, then I am not either of them.
ORLANDO: O Rosalind, these trees shall be my books, And in their barks my thoughts I’ll character, That every eye which in this forest looks Shall see thy virtue witnessed everywhere. Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree The fair, the chaste, and unexpressive she.
Orlando: Oh Rosalind, I will carve my feelings into the trees like they are a journal so that everyone who sees them will know of you.