DEAR
What does the acronym DEARMAN stand for?
Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear Confident, Negotiate
True or False — DEARMAN can be used to say “no” as well as to make requests.
True
Name three qualities of a good friend
Ex. honest, kind, respectful, good listener, etc.
What does it mean to think about “options” in a situation?
Considering different ways you could respond or solve a problem.
What does “validation” mean?
Acknowledging someone’s feelings or experience as real and understandable.
What is the purpose of using DEARMAN?
To communicate needs effectively while maintaining self-respect and relationships.
When should you use DEAR MAN?
When you want to ask for something, set a boundary, or solve a conflict.
What does “active listening” mean?
Paying full attention, showing understanding, and responding thoughtfully
Why is it helpful to think through “outcomes”?
So you can predict what might happen before you act.
What’s one coping skill you can use when you feel frustrated during a conversation?
Deep breathing, grounding, or taking a break
Which DEARMAN step involves stating how you feel?
E: Express
You’re upset that your sibling takes your stuff without asking. What’s the “Describe” part of your DEARMAN?
Example: “I noticed you’ve been using my things without asking.”
Why is it important to respect your friend’s boundaries?
It shows you value their comfort and helps build trust.
What’s one possible positive outcome of using DEARMAN in a tough conversation?
You get your need met or at least feel proud for speaking up respectfully.
What’s the difference between being assertive and being aggressive?
Assertive = respectful and clear; Aggressive = disrespectful or pushy.
Which DEARMAN step reminds you to stay focused and not get distracted?
M: Mindful
Your friend keeps borrowing your stuff and not returning it. What’s an example of the “Reinforce” step in your DEAR MAN?
Example: “If you return my things on time, I’ll be more likely to let you borrow them again."
How can you support a friend who’s upset without trying to “fix” everything?
Listen, validate their feelings, and ask how you can help.
What might be an outcome if you don’t communicate your needs?
You may feel resentful, misunderstood, or ignored.
What DBT skill can you pair with DEAR MAN to help regulate emotions before a tough talk?
PLEASE, STOP, or Wise Mind.
Give an example of a full DEAR MAN you could use to ask for something from a friend or family member.
Example: When you cancel plans last minute (Describe), I feel disappointed (Express). I’d like you to let me know sooner next time (Assert). That way I can plan my day better and we’ll both have a better time (Reinforce).
In a DEAR MAN conversation, what can you do if the other person gets defensive or angry?
Stay mindful, stay calm, and return to your main point when possible.
What’s one way to repair a friendship after a conflict?
Example: Apologize sincerely, take responsibility, and communicate openly.
How can weighing options and outcomes help you make better decisions?
It helps you choose actions that align with your goals and values.
Why is it important to practice communication skills even when things are going well?
It builds confidence and helps you handle future conflicts calmly.