Goals of misbehavior
If I feel annoyed, the likely goal of misbehavior is ___________.
What is Attention?
Susie won't eat dinner because she says its GROSS! Who owns this problem?
What is the child aka Susie?
My kiddo is struggling with their math homework and is giving up. I can ________________.
What is provide encouragement, reflective listening, explore alternatives / provide choices, etc.?
It's raining outside and your kid won't put on a rain coat. Getting wet all day is this kind of consequence.
What is natural consequence?
Repeating what you think your child feels or says is ____________.
I feel like fighting back or punishing my child, the likely goal of misbehavior is ___________.
What is Power?
Susie came home late from her friend's house at 7:30pm instead of 5:00pm after the sun set. This person owns the problem _____.
What is the parent?
I am in a disagreement with my kid's co-parent about strategies to use with kiddo. I can ___________.
What is use I statements, use reflective listening, explore alternatives, agree not to fight, walk away when angry, use coping skills, etc.?
Your kid hasn't taken the trash out on their assigned day even after a reminder. Losing video game privileges is this kind of consequence.
What is logical consequence?
Your kid has an upcoming math test they are feeling nervous about, but you know you won't be able to help them with it. Instead, you could say ______________.
Ex: I hear that you are feeling nervous about your math test coming up...
I feel hopeless, the likely goal of misbehavior is ______________.
What is Display of Inadequacy?
Johnny (14 years old) came home from school and told his Dad that another boy called him a mean name, the person who owns the problem is __________.
What is Johnny?
My kid is struggling to maintain friendships or socialize with peers. I can ______________.
Effective discipline includes expecting your child to do this.
Your kid gets home from school and says "Today sucked, I failed my math test and it was raining so my new shoes got all muddy!" You can say ____________.
Ex: "It sounds like you had a really hard day and are frustrated, is that right?"
Susie was late home from school so Mom decided to not let her watch TV when she got home. Later that day, Susie refused to eat dinner with the family and even told Mom "Your food sucks!" What is Susie's goal?
What is Revenge?
Things I can do when my child owns the problem
What is active ignoring, reflective listening, and explore alternatives?
My kid hasn't done their chores even after a reminder of consequence. I can _______________.
What is provide choices or use effective discipline?
The goal of discipline is to teach children ____ - discipline.
What is self - discipline?
Your kid says to you "Football is just so hard and I'm not even close to as good as the kids on the team." You could say ___________.
Ex: It sounds like you are feeling discouraged about playing football... do you want to talk more about it?
It's time for Johnny to leave his friend's house after their playdate. Johnny's mom goes to pick him up and Johnny yells and runs around his friend's house in an attempt to escape from his mom and not leave. The likely goal of misbehavior is ________.
What is Power?
The 4 steps to determining who owns the problem
What is:
1. Are my rights being disrespected?
2. Could anybody get hurt?
3. Is someone's property being threatened?
4. Is my child unable to take this responsibility?
My kid hit another peer at school. We had a meeting with the other peer's family and principal and discussed a plan moving forward. 2 weeks later it happens again. I can ________________.
What is understand the problem, discuss alternatives, provide choices, use effective discipline, agree not to fight, model healthy conflict resolution skills, model emotion regulation/coping skills, etc?
Susie took her mom's makeup without asking and messed up her eyeshadow. A choice mom can offer Susie for next time is ___________________.
Ex: Susie, next time you can ask me permission to use my things or you lose the privilege of going in my room, you decide.
You say no to getting McDonalds after school and your kid yells "You suck! We have no food at home anyways, why can't we just get McDonalds?!" Instead of arguing, you can say __________________.
Ex: I can see that you are angry with me, but saying mean things is not ok. You can take some deep breaths and talk in a calm tone if you want to talk about it.