Preparation
This strategy/skill is often used to ensure parents spend time speaking with the child in preparation for the holidays. (Hint- To properly use this skill, parents listen actively, reduce background distractions, mute their phones and put them away, etc.)
What is Time-In?
True/False: Foster parents should frequently ask the child if they are okay and talk to the child more often than usual to ensure the child knows the foster parent is there for them and ready to listen anytime.
What is False? Provide the child with space so they can privately grieve if they need to. Make it known that you are available and ready to listen without imposing on the child. Understand that the child may revert back to undesirable behaviors he had when he first arrived into your home.
True/False: Foster parents should speak with extended family members ahead of time to understand their expectations.
What is True? Most of you know the possible reactions your child may have in certain situations, therefore you can prepare extended family members for possible outcomes.
True/False- Foster parents should modify or throw out any traditions that cause more stress than joy.
What is True? Self-care is never more important than during the holiday season!
True/False: Children typically do not keep count or compare the number of gifts received, therefore quantity is not important.
What is False? Whether right or wrong, children DO typically keep count and compare the number of gifts received, so quantity is important. Think small and affordable if you need to purchase a larger number of gifts for your family.
Fill in the Blank: Seasoned foster parents learn to not ______ ___ __________ when their child is behaving differently during the holiday season, or if their child seems indifferent to the extra effort the foster parents have made to make them feel comfortable and loved during the holidays.
What is take it personally?
True/False: While it is inappropriate to impose personal religious practices onto children in foster care when the child maintain opposing views/practices, it can be appropriate to impose the foster family's religious practices onto children in foster care during the holiday season to ensure they feel welcome and fit in.
What is False: VA law prevents foster parents from requiring children to engage in the foster parent's religious practices if the child's practices/beliefs differ. Foster parents are encouraged to invite the child to learn about their religion, but if the child resists due to opposing views/beliefs, the child cannot be required to participate.
Fill in the Blank: Foster Parents should share information about children in care with extended family and friends on a _____ to _______ basis.
What is "need to know"?
Fill in the Blank: Finding ways to _____ ____ is an excellent way for foster parents to make a positive contribution and provide a sense of purpose and meaning.
What is give back?
True/False: Children in foster care are always excited to receive gifts and open them with their foster family!
What is False? Receiving gifts can be overwhelming for children in foster care and for numerous reasons. If in doubt, consider providing the child with the option to open gifts in private or focus on giving experiences rather than tangible gifts.
True/False: Most often, children in foster care are not able to verbalize the complex emotions they experience around the holiday season, and instead these emotions present through the child's behavior
What is True?
What is one way foster parents can prepare children for the holidays in the foster home?
Examples of correct answers: Talk to the child about traditions that you incorporate in the foster home; Talk to the child about what the holidays are typically like in the foster home; Create a brand new tradition with the foster family and child; Help the child make or purchase cards/gifts for important family/friends
True/False: Extended family and friends are expected to have visible/verbal reactions to past traumatic information shared by the child during holiday celebrations.
False- It can be beneficial to prepare extended family and friends by helping them understand that a child may share sad or scary experiences with them during holiday celebrations. Help family and friends with knowing how to react appropriately (avoid negative comments about the child's family, responding with their mouth open, etc.)
Fill in the Blank: Setting unrealistic expectations for people and events can lead to _____________.
What is disappointment? Everyone is reminded that the holidays are a time for family, joy and abundance. However, it’s equally important to check in with ourselves about managing our hopes and expectations.
True/False: Children are not permitted to use their saved allowance money to purchase gifts for family or friends during the holidays.
What is False? Children are permitted to use their saved cash allowance to purchase cards/gifts for family or friends. They cannot be pressured to use this money for gifts or cards, but are allowed if they wish to use the money to purchase gifts for others.
Fill in the Blank: Focusing on the _____ the child is trying to meet can help foster parents know how to respond to a child's behaviors year-round.
What is need?
True/False: Foster parents are encouraged to carry some extra affordable gifts in their car if visiting extended family/friends where other children may receive gifts.
What is True? Not all relatives will think to purchase presents for your child and we shouldn’t expect them to.
If the foster family plans to travel during the holidays, it could be beneficial to review this with the child ahead of time so they know what to expect.
What is the itinerary? Foster parents can prepare the child for where they are going, who they will meet, and what to expect. Knowing the general plan for each day can help a child feel safer and more comfortable.
Foster parents should look out for signs of this during the holiday seasons.
What is depression or sadness? Foster parents should coordinate with TFC staff, clinicians, or the child's therapist if concerned that the child's sadness is more than the "holiday blues".
What are some creative ways foster parents can encourage children to find joy in the holiday season?
Crafting ornaments, decorations, cards, purchasing small affordable gifts, etc. and sharing these items with friends and loved ones
True/False: Children in foster care are at an increased risk for emotional dysregulation, changes in appetite or sleep, defiance, running away, ungratefulness, clinginess, isolation, or emotional distancing during the holiday season
What is True?
Fill in the Blank: For many kids in foster care, receiving gifts can be ___________ as they may have never received gifts before, or past gifts may have been tied to trauma.
What is overwhelming?
If visiting extended family/friends during the holidays, many children can benefit from establishing a _____ _____ _____ at the designated location. Let the child assist with identifying this location to ensure they feel safe if they need to use this area.
What is calm down spot?
Fill in the Blank: While the holidays are an excellent opportunity to look outward and appreciate the people in your life, don’t forget to appreciate __________.
What is yourself? Amid holiday shopping and gift giving, perhaps you can buy or make a present for future you. Do something to support you and your mental health!
True/False: Some families do not celebrate any holiday, while others celebrate holidays such as Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa.
True: If your child celebrates a holiday with which you are not familiar, take the time to educate yourself and your family through talking to the child and researching the holiday your child typically celebrates. If your child does not celebrate a holiday, try to incorporate the child into your celebration. Coordinate with TFC staff if help is needed.