Scenarios
You see a friend whispering, and you instantly decide they are talking about you, without actually knowing if it's true.
Assumption.
True or False: Making Assumptions is harmless because guessing what others think usually helps us prepare for the worst.
False. (Assumptions usually lead to unnecessary drama, anxiety, and misunderstandings because they aren't based on facts.)
"I failed the tryouts because the coach has a favorite and the whole system is rigged against me. There's no point in even practicing for next year."
Victim Thinking.
To stop making Assumptions about what a friend meant by a weird text, you should do this simple action.
Ask them directly (or check the facts).
You say something mean to a friend, but then say, "It was just a joke, you're too sensitive," to make your action seem like no big deal.
Minimizing.
True or False: Justifying is just a fancy word for explaining the honest truth about why you made a mistake.
False. (Justifying is making excuses to make a bad choice seem okay, rather than accepting the truth.)
"I know I wasn't supposed to use my phone during class, but the lesson was boring and I already finished my worksheet, so it's fine."
Justifying.
The best way to beat Blaming is to look at a bad situation and ask yourself this question.
"What was my part in this?" (or "What could I have done differently?")
You believe your friends should always invite you everywhere and do exactly what you want to do, because you feel you deserve special treatment.
Entitlement.
True or False: Victim Thinking makes a person feel completely powerless, which stops them from even trying to improve their life.
True. (When you believe you are a helpless victim, you give up control over your own success.)
"Yeah, I copied her homework, but she's smart so she didn't mind, and it's not like I stole her money or anything."
Minimizing.
To challenge Victim Thinking, a teen needs to focus on things they can control, rather than focusing on this.
Things they cannot control (or what other people are doing)?
When a friend group has a fight, this error makes you feel like you did absolutely nothing wrong and that everyone is just teaming up against you.
Victim Thinking.
True or False: Minimizing your mistakes is a good way to build confidence and keep a positive attitude.
False. (Minimizing prevents you from learning from your mistakes because you pretend they aren't a big deal.)
"My mom is the reason I lost my temper and threw my controller. She knows exactly how to push my buttons."
You get caught breaking a house rule. Instead of Blaming your parents for "being too strict," the fastest way to rebuild their trust is to do these two things.
Apologize sincerely and accept the consequence without arguing.
Your friend doesn't reply to your text for two hours, and you immediately think, "They hate me," guessing what is in their head instead of waiting for the facts.
True or False: Entitlement actually helps teens succeed because believing you deserve the best motivates you to work harder than everyone else.
False. (Entitlement makes people believe they should get rewards without doing the work, which actually hinders success.)
"I shouldn't have to do chores around the house like my siblings do because I have a busier schedule and need my rest."
Entitlement.
To shift out of Victim Thinking when you experience a major setback, you could replace the question "Why is this happening to me?" with this growth-mindset question.
What can I learn from this?" (or "How can I grow from this?")