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This sentence can be added for a more effective POSITION statement:
F. I think I would like the four-day school week because I would enjoy the extra time to rest on the weekend.
G. The four-day school week is a great idea for all students and parents, and even the school district would likely benefit.
H. We spend way too much time during the week in school, and it would be nice to have a three-day weekend for a part-time job or to just relax.
J. The four-day school week provides benefits that would help the students, teachers, and schools in our district.
What is F?
A position statement is a statement that summarizes the main point or claim of a piece of writing. By adding this sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph, the writer clearly states her position and why she supports the four-day school week.
This sentence is extraneous and should be removed:
(27) High school English teacher Candyce Matlosz has found that longer days allow students to spend more time on activities. (28) And as a teacher with over twenty years of experience, Matlosz knows a lot about teaching English. (29) “For example, the science teachers have enough time to run labs, have the students write the lab reports, and clean up the labs in one class period,” she says. (30) “In English class, students can write a rough draft, revise, and write a final draft of essays in one or two days instead of taking a week.”
What is sentence #28?
The focus of sentences 22 through 30 is how teachers and students benefit from shorter school weeks and longer school days. Deleting sentence 28 removes extraneous information since Matlosz’s teaching experience is not relevant to the rest of the information in the paragraph.
It's the way sentence 12 should be revised:
(12) The brain’s blood vessels have fluid that is running along the side of them, the team determined, and this fluid is what is carrying waste away from the brain.
F. Running along the brain’s blood vessels, the team determined is a fluid that carries waste away from the brain.
G. The team determined that fluid running along the brain’s blood vessels carries waste away from the brain.
H. Waste by a fluid that is running along the brain’s blood vessels is carried away from the brain, the team determined.
J. Along the side of the brain’s blood vessels is a fluid, the team determined, and this carries away from the brain waste.
What is G?
Rearranging the wording in this way eliminates the awkward phrasing and clearly shows the connection of ideas by clarifying that there is fluid “running along the brain’s blood vessels.”
Of these words, this is the best to use for this sentence:
Every day in schools across the nation, teens have challenging classes, hours of homework, and extracurricular activities such as sports and music.
A. carry
B. accept
C. manage
D. enroll
What is C?
Replacing the word “have” with the word “manage” creates an effective sentence because it emphasizes that teens are responsible for their busy schedules.
This sentence should be added before sentence 1:
(1) But there is still one part of the human body that confuses scientists: the brain. (2) Although scientists have made extraordinary progress in understanding how the brain functions, there still is much to learn. (3) In fact, scientists are only now beginning to discover and understand the lymphatic system of the brain.
A. There are so many mysteries about the human body that you would never believe it.
B. The brain is like the body’s big jigsaw puzzle.
C. Over the past centuries, many of the mysteries of the human body have been explained by science.
D. Scientists are determined to find out all the facts that can help them understand our world.
What is C?
Adding this sentence emphasizes the mysterious nature of the human brain, which is the focus of the essay, by contrasting it with “many of the mysteries of the human body have been explained by science.”
This sentence is redundant and should be removed:
(32) Introducing the four-day school week may provide a way for school districts to save money in areas where budgets are strained. (33) School budgets are stretched. (34) Districts reduce spending on fuel, bus drivers’ salaries, and maintenance when they decrease the number of days students are transported to and from school.(35) Expenses to keep facilities open and clean are also lowered, as are food costs.
What is 33?
Sentence 33 includes redundant information because “budgets are stretched” is the same idea presented in sentence 32 “where budgets are strained.”
This is the way sentence 15 should be revised:
(15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible.
A. A misstep by just one student and a flaw is created that is visible in the perfectly coordinated display.
B. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw in the perfectly coordinated display.
C. A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display, the flaw is visible.
D. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw that can be seen in the perfectly coordinated display.
What is B?
A misplaced modifier is a word, phrase, or clause that is improperly separated from the word it modifies or describes. The misplaced modifier error is corrected in this revision by moving the word “flaw” next to the word “visible.”
It is the sentences that should replace sentence 9:
(8) As the lymph is filtered through the lymph nodes, the nodes respond to any germs by mounting an appropriate defense. (9) Scientists have been stumped by this process. (10) But in 2012 scientists found that the brain has its own type of lymphatic system. (11) Dr. Maikenn Nedergaard and her team of researchers were surprised and excited to discover the first evidence of a tightly interwoven system that rapidly removes waste from the brain.
A. Until recently, scientists could not determine how the brain is able to rid itself of waste because the lymphatic system does not include the brain.
B. Scientists researched the brain for years before finally making a breakthrough.
C. No one knew how the brain was able to perform some functions.
D. The lymphatic system does not include the brain, so everyone always wondered about that.
What is A?
A transition is a word, phrase, or sentence that connects topics or ideas. Replacing sentence 9 with this sentence effectively transitions from the idea of how the lymphatic system gets rid of waste in the body to the idea of “how the brain is able to rid itself of waste.”
It is where this sentence should be added:
"The circulatory system moves blood rich with nutrients and oxygen to all the different parts of the body."
(4) The lymphatic system performs an important role in the overall functioning of the body, much like the circulatory system. (5) The lymphatic system also moves things around the body. (6) Instead of bringing the body what it needs through the blood, however, the lymphatic system carries away what the body doesn’t need, such as germs and waste products, through a fluid called “lymph.”
What is after sentence 4?
Details about the circulatory system should be added after sentence 4 because the comparison between the circulatory system and the lymphatic system is emphasized.
This sentence should be deleted from the paragraph:
(19) Not satisfied with Stevenson’s use of clay wheels, Frank Nasworthy stumbled upon the idea to use urethane wheels. (20) Urethane is commonly found in the midsoles of athletic shoes. (21) Nasworthy’s wheels allowed the skateboards to better grip surfaces and provided the additional benefit of more control. (22) Both Stevenson’s and Nasworthy’s contributions in the ’70s revolutionized skateboarding.
What is sentence 20?
The information about athletic shoes in sentence 20 is not necessary, so sentence 20 should be deleted.
This is how sentence 8 & 9 should be combined:
(8) Bottled water may be attractively packaged. (9) It is simply processed tap water.
F. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, but it is simply processed tap water.
G. Bottled water is simply processed tap water because it is attractively packaged.
H. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, so it is simply processed tap water.
J. Bottled water is attractively packaged, because it is simply processed tap water.
What is F?
Mimi expresses a similar idea in sentences 8 and 9: bottled water is just attractively packaged tap water. The most effective way to combine the two short sentences into a single sentence is through the use of a comma and a coordinating conjunction.
This word should replace "Furthermore" in sentence 11.
(10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer.
F. For example
G. In conclusion
H. Overall
J. Instead
What is J. Instead?
Replacing “Furthermore” with “Instead” in sentence 11 creates an appropriate transition, which is a word, phrase, or sentence that connects topics or ideas. Using “Instead” establishes a contrast between the musical cues used by traditional marching bands and the direction of an announcer utilized by NSSU students practicing shuudan koudou.
This sentence should be added after sentence 18:
(18) For example, many brain diseases, including Alzheimer’s disease, involve the accumulation of specific proteins in the brain. (19) Although it is too early to jump to conclusions, it is reasonable to infer that these diseases may be connected in some way to the ability of this newly discovered lymphatic system to remove waste from the brain.
A. It would be a good idea to get rid of these bad proteins.
B. Another type of protein is important to building strong muscles.
C. Alzheimer’s is a disease that is heavily researched.
D. Some of these same proteins appear in the waste products of brain cells.
What is D?
The idea that specific “proteins appear in the waste products of brain cells” effectively supports the inference that brain diseases are connected to the lymphatic system’s ability to remove waste in the brain.
This sentence should be deleted:
(7)Over the years as scientists studied the mammoths, they uncovered more information that altered their initial theories. (8)This happens often due to new discoveries or additional data that lead to new theories. (9) One initial theory was that the mammoth herd was trapped in a ravine and drowned in a flash flood. (12) However, as the scientists studied the fossils over several years, researchers discovered that the growth patterns on the bones appeared stunted, as though the animals did not have sufficient nutrition.
What is sentence 8?
Sentence 8 repeats the information that is presented in sentence 7 about how theories change over time in a different and less effective way. Sentence 8 should be deleted.
This is how sentence 21 should be revised:
(21) Also consider that chemicals are released by these many bottles when they are discarded into landfills over hundreds of years and decompose.
F. Also consider that many bottles are discarded into landfills, where the bottles release chemicals as they decompose over hundreds of years.
G. Also consider that landfills are filled with released chemicals, where they decompose many discarded bottles over hundreds of years.
H. These bottles, decomposing over hundreds of years, should also be considered to release chemicals where they have been discarded into landfills.
J. Over hundreds of years, landfills are filled with many bottles, and it should also be considered that the bottles decompose and release chemicals.
What is F?
By making the revision to sentence 21, Mimi is clarifying that the bottles decompose “over hundreds of years” and release chemicals in the process. The awkward original sentence is better clarified with this revision.
This sentence should replace sentence 6 as the POSITION statement:
(1) Sweating during a summer afternoon in Texas, people gaze into convenience-store refrigerators. (2) They select chilled bottles of water and stand in line at the register, where they might pay more than $2.00 per bottle. (3) After chugging the water, they toss the bottles into the trash. (4) What’s wrong with this picture? (5) Consumers pay far too much for a drink of water, and those same bottles clog oceans and contaminate the soil. (6) This needs to stop now!
A. It’s foolish to buy several bottles of water each day when there’s no good reason for doingthis.
B. People need to stop doing this now and protest against bottled-water companies.
C. These problems can be solved, however, if people choose to drink water from reusable containers instead of plastic bottles.
D. The list of problems that people are causing, such as increasing pollution, by buying bottled water is endless.
What is C?
A position statement, or thesis statement, is a statement that summarizes the main point or claim of a piece of writing. In sentence 6, Mimi tells the reader that the consumption of bottled water “needs to stop now!” In this replacement, Mimi clarifies her claim, which is that reusable containers are a much better alternative to plastic water bottles and can solve problems.
Students from around the world are also part of musical marching groups.
This statement should be placed after this sentence:
(1) Texas is known for its superb high school marching bands. (2) Each week during football season, thousands of students take to the field to display their musical and marching talents. (3) These same students also compete in local, state, and national competitions and exhibitions. (4) However, marching bands aren’t found in just this state or even just this country. (5) But in one country there are marchers who skip the music component all together.
What is sentence 4?
A transition, which is a word, phrase, or sentence that connects topics or ideas, is created with this sentence. In sentence 4, the author informs the reader “marching bands aren’t found in just this state or even just this country,” and then in sentence 5, the author begins to focus in on “one country” that has a unique marching band. Adding the sentence after sentence 4 creates an appropriate transition.
This redundant sentence should be removed:
(13) When Lincoln visited new places and small towns during the presidential campaign of 1860, some people walked long distances to hear him speak. (14) People would come for miles to have a chance to see and hear him. (15) Lincoln regularly presented debates, arguments, and public speeches in the form of stories. (16) His strategies may have even convinced his political opponents to end up supporting him or working for him.
What is sentence 14?
The information in sentence 14 is a repetition of information that is presented in the previous sentence.
This is the correct way to write sentence 26:
(26) In preserving coffee and making it “instant,” freeze drying is frequently used.
F. Freeze drying is frequently used in preserving coffee and making it “instant.”
G. Making it “instant,” freeze drying is frequently used in preserving coffee.
H. Frequently used in preserving coffee is freeze drying and it make it “instant.”
J. Preserving coffee and making it “instant,” freeze drying is frequently used.
What is F?
This sentence is more direct and concise than sentence 26.
This word best replaces MIXING in sentence 6:
(6) The mixing of moisture, bacteria, and air makes food deteriorate quickly.
A. merger
B. mingling
C. connection
D. combination
What is D?
Replacing “mixing” with “combination” creates a more effective sentence because the sentence describes a combination of existing elements.