Active Listening
Why is it important to be an active listener?
Listening is one of our most important skills. It helps us build positive relationships, allows us to problem-solve when we have an issue, helps us get tasks done well, and allows us to be better learners at school.
Why is it important to be a good friend?
Making friends and spending time with others help us to feel good about ourselves.
Hanging out with friends can also be fun and exciting.
Being a good friend takes time and effort from both people.
Why is it important to take someone else's perspective?
It helps us get to know people, allows us to have discussions, helps us learn, and helps us to get along with others, etc.
What does it mean to be flexible and keep an open mind?
Being flexible means that when plans change, or things don’t go our way, we can go with the flow and change our plans.
OPEN MIND: more relaxed, willing to listen, learn and adjust. This helps us feel calm and think clearly. We will have an easier time figuring out a solution to a problem.
What are the four colors on the mood meter? List a feeling that matches each color.
Red feelings: High in energy and more unpleasant (e.g., angry, scared, and anxious)
Blue feelings: Low in energy and more unpleasant (e.g., sad, disappointed, and lonely)
Green feelings: Low in energy and more pleasant (e.g., calm, tranquil, and relaxed)
Yellow feelings: High in energy and more pleasant (e.g., happy, excited, and curious)
Eyes
Ears
Mouth
Feet/Hands
Body
Brain
Heart
List 3 qualities of a good friend.
Starting Conversations/Good listener/ No interruptions/Not coming on too strong - What does that look like? (e.g. looking at the person, asking an on topic questions and comments, body towards the person speaking, Wait until your friend pauses in conversation to ask on topic questions or provide comments). If you are trying to join a friend's conversation, you should first pause to figure out what they are talking about, and then stand about an arm’s distance away before making an on-topic comment or asking on an-topic question.
Caring- how do we show friends we care about them? When they’re speaking, we can make sure our nonverbal language cues demonstrate that we’re interested in what they’re saying and understand how they feel (I.e., if they tell us it’s their birthday, we can smile and make a related comment such as “happy bday!”, if we frown or look angry, will they think we care? )
Trustworthy - What does that mean? Not sharing secrets when a friend asks you to keep something private
Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes/ Perspective Take- you’re playing a game with a friend and you win so you laugh in your friends face. How does this make your friend feel?; If everyone wants to play a game and you decide you are going to be in control and tell everyone what to do, how do your friends feel?
Willing to give advice/ Demonstrate Empathy- help out a friend when they ask for help/advice (ex: A friend doesn’t know what to do after he receives a bad grade on a test? -- To show that you care can give him advice: Is there a way to get extra credit? Can you go after school to get extra help? Is there a tutor you can get to help you for the next test?
What are the 3 steps we can follow to "see someone else's side"?
Steps to follow to help you see the other person’s side:
Step 1: Stop and think about what happened and how YOU feel (I.e., I’m angry she bumped into me)
Step 2: Stop and think about what happened and how the OTHER PERSON may feel (i.e., she is frowning; she looks like she feels bad about bumping into me)
Step 3: Think about WHY they may have done what they did and any background information you know about this person (i.e., She is my friend, and she looks like she feels bad, she must have bumped into me by accident).
What does it mean to be rigid and have a closed mind?
What does it mean to be rigid? A rigid person gets upset when plans change or things don’t go their way. They don’t go with the flow.
CLOSED MIND: rigid, unwilling to listen, learn or adjust. This makes us feel nervous, tense and not able to think clearly. We will have a more difficult time figuring out solutions to a problem.
How can we use our self-controller scanner to stay in control if we feel a strong or uncomfortable emotion?
Self-Controller Scanner helps us to be more aware of how we are feeling and think of strategies we can use if we feel like we’re losing control
The same strategy isn’t going to be the best to use every time
You can think of more than one strategy and pick the best one for right now
Ex: take deep breaths, squeeze your hands together, get a snack, ask for a break, count to 10, etc.
To help you figure out the best strategy for different moments, use the Self-Controller Scanner
How do we use nonverbal cues (body language) to show others we are listening.
We can nod our head when they are speaking to show we are listening.
We can maintain a neutral facial expression or smile at the speaker from time to time.
What does it mean to have a balanced friendship?
If you are hanging out with someone you aren’t going to have one friend choose everything and overpower the other friend- balanced relationship. Let’s say if a friend invites you somewhere one time the next time you invite them. There is a balance.
We can use these clues to understand how a friend might be feeling:
1. Facial Expression (Ex. Jenny is frowning and has lowered eyes)
2. Body Language (Ex. Nadine is crossing her arms and looking away)
3. What someone is looking at (Ex. Lucas is nervously watching his teacher pass out a test)
4.The time of day (Ex. Max always looks tired before lunch)
5. Putting yourself in their shoes (Ex. Lily is getting her tonsils out and feels scared. How would you feel if that happened to you?)
How do the people around us feel if we are flexible?
It is an expected behavior to be flexible, and this makes others around us feel comfortable and want to be our friends/continue being around us.
What can you do to figure out if when you are losing control?
Scan your brain and body to figure out when you are losing control
Brain scan: Am I paying attention? Do I know what everyone is talking about?
Body scan: How am I feeling? Do I feel calm and neutral or am I feeling a bigger emotion?
How can we use our words to show others we are listening?
Ask questions and make connected comments
We can ask follow up questions about something someone may have shared with us
If someone says they went to a great restaurant over the weekend, we can ask “What did you eat, or what restaurant!?”
2. We can make connected comments
If someone shares that they got a new notebook they are excited about, we can say “That’s cool.” “I like it.” or “Awesome!’
What could you change about yourself to make you a better friend to others?
answers will vary
Pretend that a friend is mad at you when you forget to give them back your video game. What might happen if you don't think about your friend's perspective?
If we don’t think about our friends perspectives, we might get frustrated or even say something mean to them. That would keep the problem going and would make our friends upset.
How do our bodies feel if we are flexible? How do they feel if we are rigid?
When we are flexible, we remain calm and our bodies and brains feel comfortable. When we are rigid, we get upset and our bodies and brains feel uncomfortable.
Pick a strategy you can use to get back in control. What steps do you need to take to get what you need?
(answers will vary)
Do I need a break?
Am I hungry or thirsty? Do I need a snack?
What physical actions will help me calm down? Do I need to take deep breaths? Take a break? Use positive self-talk? Count to 10? Or something else?
You may need to try more than one strategy or you might need to talk to an adult or ask for help.